w0rld 0f @ l0n3r

2007-07-07T23:29:00.000+08:00

i'm an irritater. HAHA!! i've officially changed my blog to http://melissa-meets-mel.blogspot.com and i TOTALLY EXTREMLY ADORE my TEMPLATE. dot dot dotx. sorry for inconvenience caused and eyesores. but i simply want to get rid of that stupid hideous current blog address. hahax.

i pronounce th3-l0n3r-0f-h3ll dead at 23.30 pm on 07/07/07 with 157 posts.

2007-07-06T21:27:00.000+08:00

dilemma.

twin dilemma.

the longer you know a person, the more you find out about him/her, the better/worse your impression of him/her will be. especially when it's all evil-ED. human nature expos-ED.

had a rubbishy talk with rubbish. lolx! okay la. random. kaiyin how??? hmmm. ziwei how?? lolx!!

life goes on no matter what. even if you lose your friend, your life has to go on. you cant stop living because you lost a friend. because of negativity and thoughts that the world has come to an end.

because we have an assumed behaviour, we are presumed to possess the characteristics of such behaviour. and hence, people believe what they believe about people of that behaviour and so on. so often, we are misunderstood because of such behaviours. but, LIFE GOES ON.

i may have tons and tons of unhappiness and sores but you may have the same things and maybe the same views of me that i have about others. so what? LIFE GOES ON.

i don't like backstabbers i don't like people who butter up to others. i don't like those who trys all their best to fit into the 'in' crowd. i hate it when i meet these people. but WHAT CAN I DO? it's part and parcel of life. you WILL DEFINITELY meet such people. and LIFE GOES ON.

i don't listen because you didn't listen. you advised others about things you ended up being guilty of doing. tell me what to do? i was thinking that if you don't want to say, then as a friend i will respect your decision. but when i don't say, you ended up leading me to say. so what does it prove? i'm mad at you for contradicting. i'm mad at me for being mad. i just hate it when people contradict themselves. looks like things changed because time did it for them and because they made it happen...as usual, LIFE GOES ON...

2007-07-05T20:56:00.000+08:00

tons of projects and tons of assignments and notes to study. tsk tsk tsk.

madd-ED because i cant do anything for you
madd-ED because i totally understand what you're going through
madd-ED because you wouldn't tell me anything

i didn't say it's the stupid capricorns=X tsk tsk tsk

i went home to sleep instead of doing my SMART duty. not because i slack. i'm just not up to the task of standing there and spewing saliva everywhere. especially saliva with germs.
sometimes, when you are really sick, you still feel the need to come to school. because there's ONLY 4 projects (SSM, UCCD, RWPS, PSYC) and they're already killing me. and like what the lecturers kept emphasising about, term 2 is EXTREMELY short. so ya. tsk tsk tsk.

so i went to the doc. my whole family came down with the virus one after another. and then he gave me the dreaded MC. it's nice to be able to stay home and rest for VALID REASONS but somehow, this is not the time to rest. if you stay at home when everything's been set to happen as plann-ED, people will start saying that you're so irresponsible and why are you always sick? tsk tsk tsk. hmmm. it's a dilemma. but i've decided that if the virus persists in worsening my state of health, then i'm not going to school. and i will try to do as much research for my project as possible. even saturday and sunday's booked for? not outing. is PROJECTS. faint-ED. so forgive me if i cant make it to school and end up you'll have to lend me notes and etc. i hate it when i'm sick. now i wish i'm in IMH, i think it's more relaxing and i doubt i'll be PHYSICALLY sick so often. sounds familiar? haix. there it goes again.

i try to do things right but somehow i cant make it. i'm really tired and it's what i always say. but why are you always acting that way? just wish you could be more understanding. i try to but it's you who push me away. i'm fed up and history's repeating i guess because i cant hold on much longer.

i just wish you'll tell me. because i'm dense and you always guess things even without me saying. am i such a bad friend? to think i call myself your good friend. or should i say, i believed that we were good friends....

2007-06-30T14:22:00.000+08:00

i'm back to that mood of mine. i hate it.

however, things that happened and are bound to happen is making me moody.

because of this and that, it's driving me crazy.

was tidying my room. i opened my tin of letters and all came flowing out. i read every single one of them. and realised that i've dozens of letters from different people. penpals and my good friends. valentines, xmas, new year, birthday. hilarious. and i realise that it's been a long while since i wrote letters to these people. i miss writing to them. ziwei, ian, allena, shirlene, denise, hoiki, phyllis. haix. and i read this letter from a close friend and realised how deep an impact i have on that particular friend's life. somehow, everything changes as time goes by. i wonder how they are doing. miss them loads. haix.

partly lazy and partly due to lack of time. so when will i sit down and put my pen to my nice letter pad to dedicate those pieces of letters to my friends? maybe during breaks? hahax. after all my pathetic projects. my jap is definitely deteriorating. haix.

isn't it amazing how people gave you their promises but in the end, they're just empty ones? and you know that they cant always be with you but you wish them to be there, to keep their promises but when the time comes, who cares? tsk tsk tsk. time to reflect. a reflection period that does no good but harm to one's being. ttfn!

2007-06-22T13:49:00.000+08:00

yesterday went MS do SSM project. and since weixin and i were on the train and at city hall respectively, we entertained each other via smsing. and yup, we were deemed nutters i think. i just adore precious thoughts=X and that woodcraft is nice!!!! AHHH!!!!

so revising and playing and watching tv occasionally. and then i keep asking linghui about stuff i don't know. and then i realised that i misread the things and i actually knew how to do them but i'm pure careless.

so had nice nice talks and what the heck. words were used harshly. ya quite true. so to put down your pride and break the silence is hard but we should try. however, misunderstandings occur and people take your silence for unhappiness. it takes two hands to clap. if that never happened, this wouldn't either. i have these two friends, A and B. best friends. and then one day, they quarrelled. and A ignored B. B says that she's always saying sorry and forgiving A even though it's not her fault. However, because she really cherishes A alot, she accepted A's shortcomings and she made an effort to salvage the friendship. it's a true story.

it occured to me how B can always sacrifice and A is still so ignorant and can totally pretend nothing wrong happened. B apologised and A don't give a damn about it. Just because B can be pushed about then A takes her for granted. it's so unfair. I like B more than A even though A and I are closer. because B makes it a point to try to improve the situation, A takes advantage of that fact and it became a habit.

the book i'm reading dedicated a section to talk about habits - xi guan. And the food for thoughts are very meaningful and wise. i'm so glad my mum borrowed that book and i chanced upon it. or else, i would never accept the stuff friends use to tell me because i'm stubborn. the book does nothing to change me though. BUT it changed my perceptive of certain stuff in life and relationship. trust me, the book is a tearjerker. if you are interested you should read it but it's in chinese so ya.

i've gained no wisdom but i'm able to understand things happen for reasons i used to ponder over. it would be great if such values were instilled in me since young. but DREAM ON. HAHA! think it's bullshit? i think so too. but random thoughts cross my mind lately..

moment of truth: sometimes people tell you one story and you believed it. later on, somewhere else, you find out that there's another story to it. dumbfounded. you don't know who to believe. but of course, you believe the people closer to you. but sometimes they may not be telling the truth.

2007-06-20T16:33:00.000+08:00

it's amazing the way people change as time goes by. not the speed of change but the level of change. some can be minor change but for some is total major drastic changes. unbelievable right?

i didn't want to believe that it's happening but that is so self-delusional. and right now, it's time to wake up from the virtual world and admit that everything's been changed. sometimes you start making comparisons and realise that it's not what it should be. then you go over what's wrong and decided that it's time to stop comparing. HOWEVER, no one person can do that. everyone's comparing everyone everything else every single minute. it's deception to not compare and deceive yourselves when the truth is already smacked right into your face.

the temper the attitude the perception totally writeover the facts the truth the hidden meanings. when you're good, people say you're pretending. when you're bad, people say you're so bitchy and sluttish. so what the hell do people want? so keep a low profile and then people forget about you and you start whining and complaining and wallow in self-pity. have a high profile and all sorts of people want to butter you or say you are irritating and annoying and hate you. so is it because you have a bad character that's why they hate you or is it because they are jealous of you?

when you are right, people cant agree with you and they give you the black face and not wanting any conflicts, you apologise when it's NOT YOUR FAULT at all. when you are wrong, people CANT WAIT to get back at you by laughing and saying you are wrong or spread the word that you are wrong. you apologise because you realise your mistake and people interpret it as seeking attention and being dense. a moment of folly ruins your life forever. impressions are etched deep into the mind where nothing on the surface can change that. unless something major happens that can allow the impact to reverse. image image image. sometimes, people put you down and then on the other hand they do the same thing which they told you not to do and credit goes to them. *applause* or maybe, because of the image, there are certain rules appropriate for your type of people. so if you do something out of the norm, nobody will care or bother to take account of what you said. because of your image.

or maybe, you are a strong person and hardly show your weaknesses. then suddenly, you crumple from bottling too much stuff and even though there's a slight change in treatment, it will eventually revert back to the old days. so whatever criticisms or hardship you gone through, you should be able to stand firm because you are strong. you give the impression that you are strong so nobody bothers to check if that is true.

i'm still stuck at that "the society is hypocritical and superficial" theory. because you tried and you didn't get the results you want, you give up. or maybe you tried REAL REAL hard yet the response is negative. so is it your problem or the others?

humility and pride brings you nowhere. so what the heck does the society actually want you to do? be prim and proper? a role model? or be very very bad and waiting for the law to catch up with you?

who's right, who's wrong? it no longer matters. why? because it is stated clearly that the society is unfair.

2007-06-18T11:49:00.000+08:00

she's learning to keep her mouth shut lest there's unwant-ED trouble surfacing. The world has become so unfair. Every decision made is most likely to be an unfair one because of the type of problems that people encounter.

so what if she says it all out. can anyone really understand?

nobody can actually safely and honestly say that they didn't talk behind their friends' backs. it's human nature to gossip. she knows her attitude is awful. the way sometimes she insist on things going her way and that she's right. but then, she saw people who are worse than her. and she really thank-ED GOD that she has people who love her for who she is.

she was discussing with her sister and they came up with a stupid theory:

people hate you because they are jealous of you
people are jealous of you because they envy you
people envy you because they want to be you
people want to be you because you are popular
you are popular because you are either well-liked or disliked
you are well-liked or disliked because of the way you carry yourself
and because of the way you carry yourself, people want to follow you
when they cant follow you, they hate you.

that's why it's a whole stupid cycle. it's a general issue that just came into their minds. watching the show and also seeing how human nature is. shrugx.

what's the verdict? be who you want to be. don't try to be someone else when you have your own uniqueness and character. you cant make the whole world like you. but you can make YOU like YOU.

2007-06-15T18:37:00.000+08:00

different people different treatment.

went for chalet from wednesday till yesterday night. had lots of fun and also some unhappiness was inevitable. even though it's screwed up. nobody cared much and tried their best to make it happening.

nobody can understand anybody else. only the person him/herself will know themselves best. so no point in asking people to think in another's shoes because they will stick with their beliefs first before actually realising that people don't usually think their way.

you miss some you forget some. what's the point of brooding over something that happened when you cant do anything to change it.

money issues. who don't have them? disagreements. don't like this nor that. hmmm.

currently, whoever wants to go out and invites me to join, please understand that i'm very broke right now. and when school starts, i have to do the one thing i hate the most. asking for money return. what the heck.

chalet brought some people closer and some people apart. it gives people dark rings and make them do the irrational. if you weren't willing to come for the chalet, you could have just tell us the reason. why when we see you you shun us? what's the big deal? is it so hard to face us?

where nobody had any common interests with me, i found in elaine a friend i didn't know. thanks alot harx. hahax. it's hard to believe that me and elaine have quite a few common topics. we like gory movies, we watch same kind of shows, we both have some areas of experience. lolx. stupid.

some things happen for certain reasons. we're not obliged to make everything go smoothly. we cant make decisions nor decide what will happen. we are not God and even so, he cant make certain things happen. some things are fated to be. so why blame it on us people when we cant do anything to change those things. did you think that only you are the big hot shot and we are minions who have to do everything to please you? think again. you're not the star so don't expect people to treat you like one. and neither of us wanted things to screw up. did you think we did it on purpose?? what the fuck. grow up and think before speaking/ acting. things decided cannot be changed unless things cropped up and you really cant come. if you don't want to come you can just say so. your tone betrayed you. it made you sound so right and us so wrong. like we owe you. we have to invite you to come and yet we screw things up. try doing it yourself. and feel what we feel. is there anything you want to say still??

mst in another week's time. ssm project nothing done about it. rwps still working on. studies can go to hell. relationships can be put on a standstill. arguments conflicts can throw aside. sickness comes.

reached home very late. stupid peak hours where the buses come half an hour intervals. what the fuck. came home to hear my mum scolding about spending money on unnecessary things and why things goes this way not that way. spendthrifting as usual. in their times.... and goes on. doesn't the adults a.k.a parents understand that it's no longer their era and no longer about them only. it's our era and it's all about us. yes, sometimes we cant do anything to change anything. but sometimes, they should understand that the cost of living has risen and standards are high in singapore. this and that are becoming more and more expensive and money is being thrown away so quickly by just mere daily matters. so what nag when it's just a once in a while stuff?

suddenly, i don't miss anyone.

2007-06-13T10:28:00.000+08:00

so yesterday went SMART training. with lifen there, inevitably noise will reign=X hahax. youwei and ian also agreed. faint-ED

i realise i truly miss the ones i love. haix. because certain stuff cant be said. what the heck.. hurrrr. hmmm. lately my temper is on the rise la. and the bad thing is i'm actually mad at my good friends. hmmphx me.

so my brain's all about food. as usual. lolx. liming, elaine, jinhong and ziwei have gotten use to that liaox. hahax. lucky i've liming to accompany me in food hunts. lolx!!

so found out youwei is a li shen jie sound-a-like during kbox. and everyone's mesmerised by him. hahax. ntoh didn't sing and was late for training. and lifen is high high high as usual. abit regret go kbox instead of shopping. lolx! that's what the four of us wanted to do. but i promised to go and i wun do things halfway. yea! hahax. dot dot dotx. kaiyin's dress very cute!! AHHH!! i remember i got one like that. but i haven wear yet. lolx!! faint-ED. too colourful. and doubt it suits me. hmmm. and then the kbox guy actually entertain-ED us and our antics. especially lifen. hahax. siao liaox. and the stupidest part was when we order-ED tidbits and then each of us took one and paus-ED the song playing and just sat there eating. FOUR IDIOTS in kbox. WHAT THE HELL. lolx. once i laugh i cant stop and that's what happened to me. end up they had to eat my portion for me. lolx! sing sing sing until 9. peishan and i went to the mrt station. and we saw this pretty and slim girl. wearing very nicely and also got figure la. OH MY GOD!! hahax. we're psychos. don't see guys see girls. hahax!

i cant draw a pig. sickening. looks like i've to go buy instead of make liaox. T.T nooo!! later meeting jinhong get the stupid toy. tsk tsk tsk. ooO! yongzhi meeting us too. hahax. and liming going elaine's house help her. feel so guilty cant help them. haix. the chalet was actually screw-ED up by alot of people. but no choice. so random ma. haix. lucky it's resolv-ED. haix. au revoir.

i had a bad dream. i dreamt that unwant-ED people went to the chalet!! =S

oh man, i really miss you. EEYER-ED!!
if i'm so immature and i cant grow up, what about you? i don't see you doing anything and yet you come blame me. why did i cry? you actually don't bother to remember what i've gone through and said i didn't tell you anything. do you know how hurtful it is? i hate it!!

2007-06-09T18:46:00.000+08:00

linghui fail-ED to complete the task set upon her and she's embark-ED on her journey to RURAL CHINA =X hahax.

weixin arh weixin, so hard to think of what i want. because i love food the most. lolx!!

kaiyin i want master ZHONG GUO HUA!!! T.T

jinhong panic panic!!

elaine and liming laugh laugh laugh. lolx!

today went mentoring training. my dad had to pull me out of bed. wahahax. hmmm. then i actually took the train with the president of the club. faint-ED.

had a workshop. lifen came late and people thought i was a YEAR ONE!! for god's sake!! T.T i shall never wear sports shoes with berms and carry sling bag anymore!!! i'm kiddy-ish. WAH!!! hurrr...

then lifen self entertain-ED. adrian that guy very 'popular'. alot people know him la. lolx. and chatt-ED. the workshop instructor was a blind man. poor him. but he tells very lame stuff. can compete with linghui liaox. not bad harx. i'm going to tell you peepx the jokes during CHALET!! MUAHAHA!!

halfway very hungry lorx. then me and lifen had something URGENT to see to. told both the current and former presidents we need to go off. and then we went to the station's toilet and chit chat there while.. erm ya. GROSS!!

then went jurong point with her. ate some tasteless food. hurrr. and then saw tiaras in form of hairbands. i still haven ransack my storeroom. hmmm. oh ya. the tiaras were cheaper. what the hell!!!

i tore my precious moments bookmark=( and i couldn't find any in the stores. not fair!! then headed to bugis to spot things but don't have.

lifen and i really have alot of stuff common la. faint. went back northpoint. saw geraline and her boyfriend. hahax. so long never see her. she's working now. haix. sad. anywayx, i went home thereafter.

sometimes, i don't know whether to love or hate her. i wish someone could tell me. *sighs*. my right eyelid twitching very often lately. pray everyone's okay and nothing bad happens. it's just due to lack of sleep. *assures myself*

au revoir=)

2007-06-07T21:52:00.000+08:00

a big shot humiliat-ED kaiyin and melissa. thought he is super friendly and easy to chat with. instead, his face was stern throughout. hurrrrr. what the....

got back FMA. results still okay. but Mr Krishna said i can do better. so i'm gonna try to be a little bit motivat-ED to try harder for it. yes!!! gambatte!!! melt-ED heart=X lolx!! (insider's joke)

hmmm. ling hui is going to RURAL CHINA this saturday. so liming, kaiyin, jinhong, elaine, weixin and me are very happy=) hahax. joking. she's bringing notes over btw. faint-ED.

i know a lot more stuff than before. i'm never going to be an usher anymore. especially for VIPs. because i've no training.

finally see yiling and manling. like decades never see them sia. i miss that bunch of nutters. but the point is, we're not even close la. faint-ED. hmmm. liming jiayou for your gems. hahax. congrats liming, linghui and weixin. good job in FMA. hahax.

so kaiyin, jinhong and liming went to eat sumo house. and i went home with a freaking irritating friend. i was tortur-ED till bukit batok where the 'nice' friend alight-ED. peace for him and for me=) i miss kaiyin at that point. ALOT!! hahax.

so my dear lifen also cut her hair. if she didn't cut then we'll be the same. OH MY GOD!! hahax.

came home saw this nice gross show - mosquito man. i watch-ED while i eat. and i lost my appetite whenever mosquito man appear-ED. and there's INCREDIBLE TALES!!! yayness.

suddenly have motivation to study!! hahax. stupid. only for today. faint-ED.

had lunch with yoke teng at FC4. talk-ED alot and that got me thinking about alot of stuff. AS USUAL. i saw zheng yang. lolx. hmmm. so yoke teng has the same kinda problem as me - we find it hard to trust someone 99.9% because of our past.

still the same old sentence: different people different treatment.

2007-06-06T21:11:00.000+08:00

This quiz has less than 67 questions.Choose 7 friends to do this survey!Here's what you're supposed to do....and DON'T spoil the fun.PUT HOW LONG IT TOOK YOU TO DO THIS AS THE SUBJECT.

1. Start Time: 8:54pm
2. Name: Wong Mei Ying Melissa
3. Nickname: So many how to name?? ask Ling Hui. Lolx!
4. Astrology sign: Pisces
5. Gender: Female
6. Hair color: Black
7. Eye color: Black
8. Height: trying to grow taller
9. Favorite color: can two? Purple and orange!
1o. Glasses: contact lens too
11. tattoos: don’t have and I DUN draw MYSELF
12. Birthplace: Singapore, Mount Alvernia Hospital. Don’t know how to spell
13. Area code: 760174
14. TRUE friends : got mehx? Hmmm. 2 ba

******HAVE YOU EVER*****
15. cut your own hair? : duh
16. Done something in the past regret?: duh
17. Have you ever met someone you were not supposed to? : don’t want meet de counted? But duh..
18. Skipped school? : unless sick or got excuse
19. Bungee jumped? : no la!!
2o. Punched someone? : lightly
21. Cheated on someone? : like what? Backstabbing? EEYER!!
22. Been arrested? : no la..
23. Broken into someones house?: draw a picture of the house and tear it u break it le lorx..
24. Been to a funeral? : duh
25. Used a lighter? : duh

*****FAVORITE*****
26. Season: winter
27. Ice cream flavor: coffee
28. School Subject(s) : maths
29.Candy: eyecandies? =X
3o.Breakfast: my breakfast very messy one lehx..
31. Juice: starfruit
32. Book(s): a lot lehx..
33. Movie(s): thrillers, touching
34. Song(s): haven’t mastered de..
35. Letter(s): those that are written on nice writing paper
36. Favorite fast food restaurant: used to like BK but not anymore
37. Disney Princess: all nice lehx. Cinderella ba..
38. TV station: channel 5
39. Name for a son: Gabriel (as long as not the names me and linghui discussed about can le)
4o. Name for a daughter: Gwendolyn.. random..

******DO YOU PREFER*****
41. Chocolate or Vanilla? : vanilla
42. Alcoholic or not? : count wines?
43. Scary movies or comedies? : half half
44. Short or long hair? : long
45. Croutons or bacon bits? : croutons

******FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO MIND******
46. Mexicans in general: dancing
47. School: friends
48. Grass: green
49. Cow: milk
5o. Canada: cool
51. Mouse: mickey
52. Hands: my own hands

******THE PAST 3 DAYS, HAVE YOU******
53. Watched a movie? : got time mehx?
54. Talked on the phone?: eeyer
55. Cried? : yeahx
56. Choked?: duh
57. Drank a glass of water? : duh
58. Done Drugs? : no
59. Read a book or magazine? : both
6o. Watched TV? : duh
61. Looked in the mirror? : duh
62. Taken a shower? : duh
63. Taken a picture? : no
64. Listened to music? : duh
65. Kissed someone? : no
66. Told someone you liked them: no
67. End time: 9.06pm

Now for the Lucky picks:
1. ziwei
2. allena
3. robin
4. shaun
5. peishan
6. michelle
7. mardiah

2007-06-05T20:52:00.000+08:00

i know a girl called melly. who thinks the world revolves around her. who thinks that she's always right. who always let people down. and who gives up on herself.

now's spellcast. haix. sadd-ED.

times spent cannot be eras-ED and yet memories are yearning to be wash-ED away. haix.

yes, melly didn't change. her thinking is so immature and negative.

talking to linghui and jinhong. she realis-ED how happy-go-lucky people are always suppos-ED to be cheerful. never once unhappy or in a bad mood. that's why it's so hard for people to understand. only the person him/herself will know the truth. sadness reigns. emo-ishy. hurrr

sometimes, people get misunderstood. topics are misinterpret-ED. linghui and melly actually discuss-ED about the same thing but the contents was different. LOLX! jinhong never say clearer=X

excuses excuses excuses. it's dense. irritating. why isn't it possible for one to face their own feelings? scar-ED? haix.

today saw kailing. and shock-ED to see chunfu with her. don't know. must go interrogate her life liaox. lolx.

saw shortcake buddy today. and stunn-ED a while before "screaming". looking prettier jas min. lolx. and cuter. hahax. miss you loads la. hmmm.

tiring. feel like giving everything up, running away from problems. but the point is it's not possible. the notion went through my mind for the past week. but then, after talking to linghui, reflect-ED alot. even though it's been a while and there's been so many obstacles and troubles, melly really wish to make things better. she hope that there'll be no more repetition. trying her best but not able to get the results. her heart's heavy. what to do??

melly don't give anymore excuses. things happen for a reason and of course, face your problems and understand why certain things happen. please let her understand.

even though sorry is of no use, she would still like to say to her - "sorry."

2007-06-04T22:25:00.001+08:00

hat-ED.

she woke up in the morning from the wrong side of bed and went to school alone. then she saw uncle lim and aunty chou at the platform and she pretended not to see them. so did they!! lolx. and she's really in a foul mood. extremely smelly one. nel also said he could smell it.

then aunty chou messaged her and she didn't feel like replying. her body was sore and throat hoarse and her temper very foul. hurrr. and then she had such nice commuters keeping her company. interesting people.

later on, she had to curb her temper and SMILE the whole day. which was easily accomplish-ED thanks to her funky friends =D anywayx, later on, she went to buy yong tau foo and the uncle misinterpret-ED her order and she was very MAD. hurrrr.

sudoku craze is back!! Going to start game trends!! yayness. faint-ED. hmmm. and then got the yearbook. realised her hair was such a big bushy bunch. EEEYYEEERRR.

had japanese test. ORAL was extremely hard. not because of the details. it was due to the teacher's native accent. apparently melly cant catch up with her. shrugx. too sadd-ENING.

later on, took the train home ALONE. isn't it wonderful. a singles day!! woohoo. hoho. hmmm. came home used the computer and have such a nice virus going around. and she's so gullible to be dup-ED and now her laptop's in mortal peril!!!! AHHH!!!

weixin threw her face twice in front of the same teacher. mel wont' go into details. let the lady tell you herself.

nice day, nice happenings, nice mood.

2007-06-01T18:13:00.000+08:00

she got her new specs and then realised she looked like her aunt. OH MY GOD.
what the hell. and she is always reflecting and end up still repeating the mistakes. faint-ED. she's always complaining and ranting. thinking she's one big 'qian jin xiao jie'. so shameless.

she has a major headache. rah! she saw keith low today but she was busy talking to aunty chou. therefore, she just exclaimed "hi!" and then when she finished her conversation and turned back, her friend has disappeared. sorry! she and aunty chou completed the UCCD report. FINALLY. and most of the credit should be to linghui. because she always get distracted and need linghui to get her mind focus on the report. thanks!

she random-ED mention-ED boyfriend sending home stuff. and they said that they don't like their boyfriends to send them home all the time. think carefully, maybe the boyfriend worry about safety? in the night send never mind. but don't always stay together for every single day, hour, minute, seconds. shrugx.

gossip-ED as usual. never change that habit. finally saw ziwei and goh jas min. lolx! ziwei said her cohort teacher told her fma got only 3 get 100 marks. joyce and her gossip-ED only for a while. sadd-ED.

she's very indecisive. and she's very mad. there's so many things she want to do but she cant do. to please one is to anger another. this or that?

she's sorry to the chalet organisers. had to take such a long time to decide. what's the point of sorry? it's become so redundant. facade. yea, you don't need a facade with your true friends. but the point is, are your friends also putting on facades? hmmm.

like what sean mention-ED. "excuses". all are excuses. just because you couldn't make decisions, you resort to saying you'll think about it. that's what people will think. but in actual fact, only the decision-maker will know the truth. there is no point in explaining when people have their own perceptions. she learnt it from being scold-ED too much. never to explain. nobody listens to the voice of reason. so the best and worst thing to do - keep your mouth shut.

she was taking her shower. and her heart just went sour-ED. she sat down and start-ED crying. not because she was 'wei qu'. but because she didn't realise the consequences of the decisions and her indecisiveness. her attitude is getting worse. she thinks. people don't even want to talk to her. she lives in the shadow of others. hatred. things happen one after another. so fast till there's no time to react nor adapt to the new happenings.....

SHE HATES YOU!!!!!!!!

2007-05-29T21:55:00.001+08:00

she woke up today and took her time to walk to the mrt station. she didn't like this particular day because it's her ssm and fma CA1 and her voice was hoarse. told almost everyone she sees that she won't talk but then it's a blessing to be able to talk and so she chit chat away.

her brain is not functioning at all. process rate is slow. her eyelids were heavy. she's drooping off to sleep. some people can be so obvious in the things they do. her friends are experiencing the same thing. but two things different - they've studied very hard and they are very friendly.

so she eats and eats nonstop. AGAIN. what the heck. she sleeps late, dreamt of a whole house full of dead people with their heads all cut off. EEEEYYEERRR. what is envy? hmmm.

her friend the aunty said that optimists laugh 30% more than normal people. something like that and they analyse every matter that they've gone through. seeing something good in a disaster. forgot what the actual thing was. anywayx, she has SOME of those symptons but she is a big time pessimist. how to not let imagination run wild nehx??

she got complimented yesterday and it was nice. but somehow it didn't feel right. she feels as though she did something wrong when she didn't. faint-ED.

so she start to think about alot of stuff. her mind is always at work thinking about some redundant stuff. most of the time. she wants to achieve some things but she lacks motivation. just plain tired of it all.

her dislike is pasted all over her face. polar pig told her so. hmmm. really? how to put on the facade that many people have?? the one where they put it on when they face difficult people? lolx! as in, face people they don't really like?

why is it human nature to gossip? especially about people you see every single day. acquaintances, friends. shrugx. forgot what she wants to write liaox. faint-ED.

people ask her out, she cant go out. she's heartbroken=( feeling guilty. even though she don't feel like going out. wahahax. then keep turning people down. so SAD!!!!

excuses excuses excuses. tired of it. yet still cant do anything about it. mind is full of those stuff. minor trival stuff. and major stuff. where's motivation? where's the mood? where's what? confused. tormented. by who? herself.
evil her. reflect ba. don't think too much. be more confident. what to do?

another test coming up and she's sad. she catch no ball. T.T pathetic. trying to gain sympathy? she sucks!!!! wahahax. au revoir=) that's all she can remember. shrugx.she and aunty was talking about mushiness. funny sia.

she misses good ol' days
she misses Goh Jas Min
she misses Chew Zi Wei
she misses them

2007-05-26T10:24:00.000+08:00

i try to understand but you are not making things any better.

chemistry gone.
i'm wounded.
is it me or you?
what's gone wrong?
nothing's like ever before.
maybe it's me.
my fault.
i must be strong.

i want to stand in front of the ocean and scream to my heart's content.
i want to shout out loud.
i want to let go and let the rain wash my tears away.
i need to find my motivation and determination.
i'm not letting my thoughts run astray.
i thought i needed someone
but i was wrong
all i needed was me
to be strong

2007-05-25T18:32:00.000+08:00

i'm stuck in school thanks to UCCD. i'm trying to learn more about a new religion. =) and stuck with HER. need i say more? faint.

so jinhong came and we went mac eat. throw face day as usual. hmmm. we actually talked alot. and i finally get to know how they feel. i apologise for being such a spoiltbrat but i'm honestly unable to change my attitude. sorry JAMS. i sing a song for you guys okay?? =D

i love you
you love me
we are friends like friends should be
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
won't you say you love me too...

i love you
you love me
we are one big family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you (muacks)
won't you say you lov......eeee... mee... toooo....

sounds totally mushy with goosebumps. boing boing boing. faint-ED. anywayx, i hadnt been the best of friends and the easiest person to live with but i really cant change my perception and i just cant help it. it's melissa's nature. lolx!

i know you people are really good. even though i don't see eye to eye with you guys in alot of stuff. communication breakdown because i don't even bother. lolx!
same goes for my previous cliques. my friendship with them ain't close either.

just cant trust anyone. no wonder i melancholic. lolx! i joke because i need to be strong. maybe that's why i always end up upsetting the process of friendships. lolx. rubbish-ing.

i can even take my family for granted. so i'm actually a failure in alot of ways. just that i try to do things i cant. like the saying goes: one can see the faults of others but not of oneself's.

even though i'm always reflecting. actually i'm always thinking negatively and actually did give up on myself before. i just felt like i'm so hopeless. lolx! i think too much. yes. but i cant help it!! rahx! hmmphx.
i never make effort to maintain any relationships. lolx. to really confide in someone is to really trust that person and no matter what, stick through thick and thin. i shut myself up knowing i'll hurt others in a way. but i have no intention of doing so.

yes, i see her in me. i know, and you know, and somehow i hate myself for it. try melissa try. i'm sadded because i lack determination and always fail in things i do. lolx.

go think think think......

2007-05-24T20:35:00.000+08:00

Today so 'excited' about going to do project with linghui. then we went to woodlands library. and the first thing she did was laugh at my hairstyle. thanks harx.. hurrrr. anywayx, went there and saw many SP students. and i really mean ALOT!! practically filled up kind by all of them la. think most year ones. MOST. lolx.

Did SSM le then went to pastamania eat. and was ordering la. then thinking about whether i should buy soup or not and my dear friend said something to the cashier. Very KIND of her. i started my meal later than her and yet i finish before her. and she eat until got one drop of cream plopped onto her hair. REMEMBER that. lolx! then we were talking about school holidays. and she said that i'm sure to miss her when she go to a ULU ULU ULU part of china and she said she cant use her phone for like one week la. Actually, she just to shy to say she will get lovesick because she cant contact nelson. and when she's over there, she's gonna pine for home(NEL). Don't worry, Ling Hui, ask him come see can le. i help you convey your message. oh i forgot!! you got telepathy horx=X keke.

later we went to the photocopy shop. and we don't know how use the stupid machine. like idiots like that. went back library to do UCCD. nice harx. so SSM we did from 10.30 to 2 like that. UCCD we did from 3 to 630 BUT only did ONE section of approximately 5-6 sections. *applause*.

went collect the BLURRIFI-ED photos and saw XIN FANG!!!!!! lolx! she cut her hair back to the original style. eeyer-ED. lolx.

went home after that. and tomorrow going to spend almost another ONE WHOLE DAY with aunty chou in school. faint-ED. YUCKS!!

i haven study FMA=( projects are taking up the time=(
everyone wish that their other half understands them and can read their minds. AS USUAL.

2007-05-23T11:37:00.000+08:00

happenings:

- got into mentoring
- cut my hair
- gain weight
- stress-ED by work
- sadd-ED by problems
- lam-ED as usual

today i woke up to the constant vibrating of my hp - linghui's message. then first thing i did was call her when i woke up. AFTER i freshen-ED up. can you believe she didn't remember that we're having oral presentation for SSM. she actually forget lorx. it's usually the other way round la. faint-ED.

i'm left with those groupwork stuff where nobody seems to bother. left with studying for FMA. T.T what the heck.

i'm still diagnos-ED with short attention span disorder. i'm still not motivat-ED. what the hell. i'm becoming crude and violent. and my temper is always exploding. something is very wrong. psychology doesn't help at all. hmmm. oh well.

life has to go on, no matter what you encounter. at this instance, things happen because you wish-ED them upon yourself. you have no one to blame. you have yourself to answer for. you need to reflect with the right mind and learn to repent.

i also make test!! wahahax...

Create your own Friend Test here

2007-05-21T10:48:00.000+08:00

i realis-ED i've definitely lost myself.

i don't even know who i am anymore.

i feel so us-ED. like all the time i do the things people don't want to do. just because i want to get it over and done with. then, i'll end up being the bad guy. what the heck. even when i was working, it's the same. people assume i want to work at the fitting room. and then they go about doing other things. and i was so piss-ED off. i mean, nobody even bother-ED to switch places. they thought i lik-ED it.

my face is always solemn de ma. like black black de. and my mum say i have a sulky face. ya. i don't laugh unnecessarily. what the. my life evolve around trying to make people's lives easier is it? i'm fed up at myself.

it's my own fault if people think of me that way. 'cause you have to treat people the way you want them to treat you. right now, i think i'll just don't give a damn anymore. the way is so fucking hypocritical.

typical singaporeans. kiasu and kiasee.

2007-05-16T20:17:00.000+08:00

i'm entertainment=D

linghui is gloating at the fact that she might finally get the chance to have her revenge ~~and punishment!!~~ muahaha!

jinhong is obsess-ED with erm.... ya...

liming and elaine are the clos-EST best friends i've ever seen..

weixin and kaiyin still crazy about going out...

GOH JAS MIN is still waiting for me to gossip with her. lolx!

mark and jeremy are the ~~worse~~ guy gossipers.

mingjian is still as irritating as usual.

lifen is still as crazy as ever and keen about that BEST FRIEND thing. AND, we ~~DON'T~~ look alike!!!!

ziwei is still................. erm........ ziwei lorx. lolx!

i'm jealous that people have the money to go here and there.

i'm demoralis-ED because my sister's results are better than mine.

i'm sadd-ED because i'm tir-ED and have a short attention span. distract-ED easily.

EEYER-ish.

the class is obviously into two parts. or maybe 3. so sad=(

i'm still as paranoid as ever, and i think too much as usual and say the wrong things as usual. haix.

broke, brok-ED, brok-ing, brok-ISH... whatever..

end of story=)

2007-05-12T13:05:00.000+08:00

yesterday had fun..

awesome totally fun!! lolx!

so went early in the morning to school. half an hour earlier. to search for weixin and accompany linghui. end up both disappeared to nowhere and poor me ended up in the library. faint-ED. melvin and peiyin had an answer to my question of the whereabouts of weixin - we saw her yesterday=.=

anywayx, during UCCD, very cold ma. then i was reading and linghui suddenly stretch-ED out her hand to touch my neck. somehow, i don't know why but i just freak-ED out. major freak-ED out. and linghui got a shock. and we laugh-ED and laugh-ED. lolx. weixin's like raising eyebrows. hmmm.

so went for mentoring interview. then with lifen and mark. we're actually interview-ED by youwei la. and we kept the interviewers entertain-ED. lolx! we kept laughing and throwing face la. actually having a debate inside. lolx! and mark is always saying the opposite. lolx. and the funniest thing is that they so pro. and answer-ED in perfect sentences. but i'm not. lolx. both have experience. lolx! faint-ED. hilarious. hmmm. anywayx, when we came out. we ask-ED youwei how we far-ED. and he said we were the only group who actually had fun and kept them entertain-ED inside. lolx. hilarious. we did a good deed.

later on, went to see them play basketball. and then stupid lorx. end up all of us went to jurong east. then they ate kobayashi. lifen and i were like the slowest when our food came first and we were sharing la. throw face. hmmm. went to the arcade. and i went nutterx. i play-ED DDR, bishibashi, daytona, the percussion game, then some shooting de lorx. and all my money went into the machines. faint-ED. finally someone who appreciates the arcade with me. lolx. lifen is pro at DDR la. still remember that time when with kaiyin. faint-ED. i didn't play much la. don't like jumping. faint. and too noobish le. the bishibashi got alot of credits lorx. and they were playing for free la. stupid sia. then headed home after that.

mark is one sick guy - he made me missed my supernatural. hmmphx. jeremy actually watch-ED it before!! oh my god. finally someone with good taste=X lolx! so mark alight-ED at yewtee, making us wait at cck. stupid sia. and so we actually gossip-ED. and they are really kaypos la. hahax. alot of stuff i never knew before. then later on, i want-ED to gossip but it was my station le. then i jokingly ask-ED them to alight. and they actually did. so we sat at the mrt there de staircase to the underpass and gossip-ED somemore. and it was 1030 when i left them rotting there. they want-ED to rot till 11 lorx. shrugx. hmmm. anywayx, i had great fun with them. and everything is almost back to normal. ALMOST. oh well.

i cant concentrate on doing my work. i don't understand la. wth!!!!

2007-05-10T18:52:00.000+08:00

so after i publish-ED my entry, and doing my research, the whole library black-ED out. lolx. as in literally. everything shut down. and this girl was like panicking, "oh no oh no oh no!!!!! all my stuff gone!! and i didn't save!!??" and then she turned her head and realised everyone heard her and we all laugh-ED. lolx. oh well.

i'm feeling paranoia againx. apparently psycho is still not doing its part in changing anything in me. lolx. just wish everything was back to normal=(

just an update. wahahax. Adieus=)

2007-05-10T10:50:00.000+08:00

and so i've finally came online to update my blog even though it's becoming a bore to many people. sorry.

anywayx, yesterday was supposed to have my mentoring interview but i postponed to friday. same as my darling lifen!! yeahx! hahax. then i went to watch ben, jeremy and mark play bball. they sure have ways to self entertain. ben made a beautiful fall. lolx. i cant help laughing. =X

yesterday night, realised i ran out of contacts solution=( and so i'm forced to wear the much dreaded hideous pair of specs to school. and suddenly, i'm so loner. lolx! i see friends i know and usually will wave kind. but somehow, they just brushed past me=( it's amazing what a pair of glasses can do to your daily life. lolx! but anywayx, i'm in a pretty bad mood myself. i'm gonna make sure i never run out of solution AND also make sure i get a new pair of specs. the kind of frame i really love! lolx. but not necessarily suits me. T.T

and now i'm rotting 2 hours in school doing nothing. but STOMP-ing as usual. it's a good way to pass time. lolx!

tomorrow 3 hours break reduced to 1 hour break! yayness! why? because i'm going to have my psycho skit discussion with my psychotic friends=D and i'm serious. lolx. i'm supposed to act out phlegmatic because there's nobody for that role. lolx. and cant believe there's actually so many of us melancholics! lolx. so we stormed up a very interesting story plot. or should i say, two of the group members. lolx. wahahax.

melly's become an ice queen! and i'm actually wearing my monokuro boo dress. TO SCHOOL!!!!!??? like, attracting attention. EWWWWW.

au revoir=)

i feel like i'm caught in the middle. i cant decide what to do. decide what to try. make up my mind. haix. somehow, i'm into emo-ing againx.

2007-05-05T12:51:00.000+08:00

don't understand human nature. why are people like that? haix. so contradicting. i've seen and heard enough to tell me what i should have known all along.

so yesterday went play basketball. my dear joyce accompanied la.. hehex. thanks darling! wahahax. then joyce, kaiyin, peishan and me!! yayness.

sabrina actually cooked her own meals. i'm amazed. and it tastes very nice!!!!! AH!!! especially that mushroom!! hehex. i took a bite. kekex.

so there were too many people playing. and i lost my temper againx. and shouted and then stormed off the court. thanks peishan for listening to me. hahax. but yea, i'm at fault too. sorry guo quan.

later on, went far east there see mr caleb perform. then i'm too hungry. me and kaiyin went on our search for the nice nice chicken rice. but no more liaox. T.T so we went to some ramen shop. and the rest joined us. but dear mardiah, alicia, qian yi and ivan went to BK. sorry mardiah. we went non-halal de. =( hmmm.

went home lorx. and i'm like so sticky and smelly la. man, i hate the smell of food sticking to me. i'm very self conscious. wonder why others don't get smelly but me. maybe food knows i love them loads that's why they stick to me. not funny.

linghui! i saw a pig playing basketball lehx=X hahax. so fat lorx. lolx. and he got a quite retarded lame friend. lolx.

peishan! no. 13 not say very nice lehx. and the imposter ah rang stays in yishun! i saw him! faint-ED. haix.

things happened and friendships sour. but the point is, what others have done they did it with the purpose of not wanting to deceive. however, others view it as insults. the truth hurts. yes. the point is, did you realise that you have been doing that all the while? yet, you accuse others of it too. so who's right or wrong? i'm not in the position to judge. and so, i'm not saying anything anymore. i'm just sick and tired of hypocritical us. that's it.

the end.

2007-05-04T13:44:00.000+08:00

my fishmonger's assistant passed away from colon cancer. so sad.

yesterday was inferior feeling day.

every day is.

psychology teaches us: we must tell ourselves - I AM RESILIENT. should be like that spell ba. shrugx. my teacher is pretty nice.

had netball trial. so tiring. saw a girl who resembles daphne playing netball. saw another one who looks like carol. nothing much. me and lifen as usual were lookalikes. pathetic.

hmmm. so it was nutx again. every single day. oh well. malissa wong aka reflection! hahax. i updated. lolx.

her plight reminds me of my past.

weixin and me infatuated with dynomite. xiaokeai is still xiao ke ai. lolx. shit shit is damn irritating. hmmm. weird to wear watch on right hand mehx? hmmm. i remember only hoiki and me do that. hahax. miss us going out. miss kboxing with ziwei and gang. miss crapping with allena and gang. miss laughing with JAMs. really laughing laughing laughing.

if you don't want to tell me, why say otherwise? why cant you just say so? don't have to say the mood's not right to say that. rubbish. it's only how keen you want to tell. i'm still waiting. and i hate to wait. i'm an impatient person and i don't usually wait patiently.

gossiping and contradicting oneself is human nature. don't do what you don't want others to do. irk-ED

2007-04-28T14:53:00.000+08:00

piss-ED...

sick-ED...

bother-ED...

chang-ED...

anger-ED...

hunger-ED...

sadd-ED...

hurt-ED...

eeyer-ED...

disgust-ED...

stress-ED...

madd-ED...

what the hell. what the heck. hmmphx. arghx. rahx! faint. haix. everything went wrong.
alot of things to keep. bottle up. WHY? no one to say to. say le got use mehx? don't say also
don't care. say le nobody happy. who would want to hear the truths.

FACE IT...

we're all living in a world of lies. BULLSHIT!!!

2007-04-27T16:38:00.000+08:00

i spent the most important day of the week at home. why is it most important? because it's choir FO day. what the heck. and to think i fell sick la.

maybe it was what i wanted but i thought since i didnt fall sick yesterday, i wouldn't today. how was i to know i'm being fooled. hmmph-ED. why would i fall sick? i was playing in the rain two days back. i wanted to fall sick. but not today. T.T oh well.

and so, i slept till 3 from the time i came back from the doctor's. i was thinking maybe i'll snooze a while then head for school. but whatever. hahax. head was throbbing like hell. i couldnt care less. maybe, just maybe i teeny weeny bit of me wanted a very high fever to kill me or make me nutter-ED. as in those kind of nutx. at least being a nut is better than being normal. you don't have to bother much. just stay in that small cubicle of yours and play. oh well. haix.

nothing much to type about. mainly, just the usual throwing of face, tutorials to do, projects to do, anger-ED, hunger-ED. whatever.

eeyer! i dislike the thought of something. eewww. yucks. i see you in me. why? haix. sadd-ED. piss-ED. haix. sorry my darling jas min for not being able to go last minute. she has something to say againx. what the hell. arghx-ED. haix. sorry linghui for having to wait for me. haix. maybe next time don't meet you le. i always got unforeseen circumstances happening. T.T haix.

i want to be a loner but i cant. i just cant stop talking, laughing and gossiping and playing and having fun. lolx. irony is that i'm sanguine and melancholic. lolx. weixin is sanguine ehx. hahax. that's about it.

i saw two cute cute baby girls and one cute little boy boy. ga ga goo goo!!! =.=

au revoir

2007-04-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

i shall be good. thanks jack for telling me those. i will try to remember. but a leopard never changes its spots! hahax. hmmm.

so i threw my face when i took bus go mrt today. threw face when i went to buy milo. threw face after school when taking lift down to level 2. threw face when chatting with lifen. so yupx. what else? shrugx.

and so some of us got nice nicknames harx? lolx. especially linghui and weixin. polar pig! i will remember. linghui - aunty CHOU!! the nel not the mel - uncle LIM!! wahahax.

they're going to kill me and also going to counter me=X hmmm.

so yupx. and did nothing much. rotted after school to wait for edwin. he got some interview which i don't know what it's about. and his friends are so the friendly. too OVER le. lolx! hmmm.

and friday's choir. what the! oh my god. so i guess bye bye outing le.. lolx. oh well. so i went find peishan and lifen and mark. and then peishan and lifen and me were commenting on the basketball (boys) trial. so the hilarious. no. 7 is definitely not my cup of tea. neither's 13 even though it's my favourite number. i meant number and not the person wearing that number! hahax.

so i'm starting to -ED my words. and yayness goes to all.

had fun during UCCD, laugh-ED alot during SSM. amazing. and i'm so the lethargic sia.

i'm cheat-ED! hmmphx. i get to chitchat with my GOH JAS MIN!! so long le..

haix. even though i made new friends. somehow, i still cant seem to connect or change my mindset about that particular perception. i think it gave an extremely negative impact to me and i just cant shrug it off. oh well.

bye-ness!! hahax..

2007-04-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

and so i'm demoralised today. early in the morning see a banana.. yucks. right not funny. hmmm.

so i got the much anticipated gastric. what the. i'm nutterx. hmmm. and then i had jap class. fun harx..

mark said my dressing seems like one fit for construction workers. what the. sadd-ED.

found out yvonne's michelle's cousin. small world. but both can say abit alike la.. =X hahax.

hmmm. so dba2a13 went to fc5 to make a nuisance of ourselves. and nothing much. should have more bonding.

so i gave joannah my votes when i saw her in the library today. funny votes i have. hehe.

for the first time, or maybe for the few times, i actually didn't binge today. hilarious. hmmm.

it's cold now. shivericious. lolx. i'm duped! wah!!!

haix.. au revoir.

should i or should i not? things happen so unpredictably that i don't know how to react. feelings come feelings go. whether you care or not, it all boils down to how you feel and what you want to feel. your needs and wants.

2007-04-21T00:19:00.000+08:00

today played bball.

kaiyin pro. keep getting in.. cool.. and zhihao is damn pro also la.. jeremy too.. hahax..

hmmm. happy birthday to kaiyin and jeremy. lolx.

so today in the foulest of the foul mood. i threw my face by shouting nelson while he was jogging pass having cca. and then his peers jogged pass and said nelson. dotx. and the point is they knew i shouted and probably thought it was some admirer. kaiyin said he looks so man. lolx. eeyer=X

so then had to do some shitty project now. what the. and i hate playing sports when majority is guys. 'cause they will always pass to themselves. lolx.

mark got hit on the head and me got hit on my nose. nice harx? lolx. and i was laughing la. i think i weird sia. kena hit people will cry but i laugh. and cry at the same time. my tears fell. lolx. dot dot dotx.

sentimental. i'm still emo-ED. why harx?

because i know i've changed ever since that day. and the other day. and i'm bothered about it. i hate it when i've changed. 'cause i end up hurting my love ones. haix. but i guess they are love ones no more.

haix. netball trial? should i go? haix. no longer able to smile like usual le. i'm faking everything? certain things. and so i felt embarrassed today. because i boarded the bus which i rushed to board in the first place only to have the driver tell us the bus broke down. faint.

suddenly everything went wrong and i'm sadded again. reflection asked why i so emo. how to answer nehx? i don't know what to say either. to say i'm better is lying. to say i'm not is sickening. that's why i just try to shrug it off. i know they care that's why they bothered. but i feel bad sia. haix.

-end-ED-

2007-04-19T20:58:00.000+08:00

another idiot updating.. yayness..

i went to my psycho class today=) and i went nutx. okay. i'm subdued because i don't know anyone. then the nice nice funky teacher had us play an activity and we were on the way to become nutty. lolx. so we had fun and then it's time to go off.

i went to popular to get my nice nice psycho book and then i accidentally hurt a girl with it. it's like she wanted to pass. then edwin wanted to give me my book. then i snatched it and the edge just brushed under the nose there. and confirm VERY PAIN DE LORX!!!!!!!!!! i was like so sorry la. then the girl stunned. think i too OVER le. i very scared injured her until very jia lat. oh man. i'm so 'VIOLENT'.

then went back SB eat my UDON SOUP! hahax. and then waited for weixin come la. we were at the library. me and linghui a com apart. so near yet so far. not funny. then went to bench sit lorx. trying to do the RWPS project shit la. then the table smelled so milky. eewww.. lolx.

had a nice class called MARKETING RESEARCH. first lesson. i'm not allowed to wear that pair of 'slippers' to school. T.T then must wear heels le. WAH!!! hmm. then that teacher very nice. hahax. she gave me my new nickname=) MELISSA TWO. what the. lolx. and then went to eat STIR FRY UDON! lolx. dotx. and the classmates very nice peepx lorx. but we still abit barrier ba. hahax. and so fast thinking of going out le worx. hahax. not bad. cool!! yayness! hahax.

had our SSM lecture and MR lecture. we weren't given any lecture notes for MR. suppose to copy EVERYTHING ourselves. then she took attendance. and there were 4 'melissa's. mel sim is melissa one. i'm two. same class ma. T.T and she called randomly and i kena called. so now i'm M2. oh my god. sounds so.. lolx.

and i carried on throwing my face. and asking questions that are so the stupid and straightforward. and ended up crying myself. what is wrong with me? hmmm. so should i join SB club lehx? hmmm.

so i'm no longer able to smile and be me anymore. i lost me. againx and againx. everything's become so superficial le. haix.... whatever.

i don't like people who tell others stuff that are suppose to be confidential and kept among/between the people involved. it may not seem such a big matter but you never know when someone will backstab you or just be the cause of any conflicts. i'm curbing my temper. it's none of my business but i'm PISSED OFF.

SORRY KAIYIN, i cant be there to celebrate your birthday. but rest assure i'll remember it.

i roam about with no aim in life. and even though my circle of friends is getting bigger, i somehow don't belong anywhere anymore. because i yearn for someone true......

2007-04-18T22:01:00.000+08:00

today wasn't happy and happy too.

weixin, linghui, jinhong, willie, zhihao and me wore pink. lolx. freaky for weixin, linghui and me.. our wallets are pink too!! oh my god.

did the cca duty. and lifen ended up waiting for me instead. and she waited very long. sorry! we had a long talk on the way back home. shocking. many people say me and lifen look alike la. what the. oh my god. hahax.

so i went to sb club today. and learnt the violence of basketball and the needed strength for squash. i pity juan hui for being agonised by lifen and i while teaching us the basics of squash. and we weren't in the right attire either. oh my god. so what to do? hmmm. and i didn't get to play my basketball in the end. =(

they are so cool man!! the way they play basketball. hahax. stunning. lolx. but all got injuries. so sad. who ask them so stubborn still play because they haven win yet. stupid idiots=X

and so i was sad throughout the whole day because i just cant bring myself to not be sad. doubts are being confirmed. i've nothing else to say. if that's what it's gonna be, then may i lonely forever. what the hell. bullshit. lolx.

dot dot dotx. haix. i just wish for one simple thing and yet, everything is complicated. haix. it's never the same as before. it's gonna happen. the thing i dread most... T.T

2007-04-16T20:20:00.000+08:00

everyone abit emo-ED. haix. why cant we be back to normal? because the longer we know, the more we know, the harder it gets to accept. is it? haix. sadded. i miss DBA07 all right. i truly miss them. the good and the bad.

the time spent all erased, replaced by sadness and unhappiness and things being kept in the heart.

today i ate my favourite udon again!!! yay!!!

appalled by what's going on. and what had been going on. and i'm so the shocked. i thought it would be nicer. but apparently, nobody asked for help and we were like dogs being ordered to help without knowing a single thing about it. pissed. don't be such a loner lorx. do things together will have better results. don't think highly of yourself. what the heck.

so today, i start training to be independent. i'm going home alone. and i pushed jinhong away to accompany weixin instead. so it's inevitable i get to do something so honourable as throwing my face. AGAIN. so i dropped the earring de back part onto the floor and this lady standing opposite me was like keep looking at me for don't know what. i very good never look at her le. even though she wore until very little and had nothing to show and is very the skinny. maybe she looking 'cause i too fat. lolx. too nerdy. yucks! so after that, i put back my earring and then i dropped my handphone pouch on the floor with a LOUD THUD. everyone turned and looked.

so i'm in the same class as that keith. melissa sim also same class as us. practically almost half of 07 and 06 lorx. lolx. then melissa joined us 07 nutterx. lolx. and she was all right la. hahax. hmmm. yupx. so there was this stupid course called report writing where we had a teacher with a very strict appearance and we were suppose to self intro: family, hobbies, likes and dislikes. so 07 alot said stupid stuff. especially me and weixin. me:"i dislike throwing my face." weixin:"i like listening to linghui's jokes." lolx. stupid la. and the teacher had this weird sarcastic incredible look. lolx. okay. exaggerating.

so i forgot we were no longer in 07 but we're seniors. in year 2. sooner or later, we'll probably drift apart. haix. so i saw both joyces today. joyce tan had permed her hair. bottom part only. and it was NICE k. hmmphx. envious. and my dearest goh jas min cut her hair so short like bob hair la. oh my god. i stunned. and she almost tripped when running to me. =X hahax.

so REFLECTION, SHY, MAO and FEI FEI made several appearances today. hahax. i mean i kept bumping into them. not literally k. lolx. i'm being lame. i'm emo-ED and high-ED today. so it's a weird combination and i'm going nutx too. woohoo. okay, that's about it i guess. lolx.

my dear FEN FEN!!! take care k? hahax. it's a wonder, some people still remember you after the camp. so you go anywhere and coincidentally utter a 'hi'. lolx. but some just make sure they avoid you as much as they can. not fated, not destined or just plain hiding. shrugx. whatever. and i've been using SHRUGX since secondary school so don't say i'm copying anyone! hahax.

nothing le. i've wrote long enough. hahax. au revoir=)

2007-04-15T20:41:00.000+08:00

so i'm sadded. from what i've heard. everyone starts at 9 on monday!! ah!! and my class at 8!! not fair! hmmphx.

okay, i'm not sadded over that.

ever since camp, alot of peepx became emo-ED. lolx. i know i am. hahax. haix.

especially yesterday. the worse emo case ever. so today i had the misfortune to be on the phone with my friend and apparently, something happened yesterday and she can still.. i'm not sure. don't know how to say lehx linghui horx? hahax. and so coincidental stuff la.

and i hear about alot of stuff that are so the... i don't know how to describe them. hahax. hmmm. so i'm now lost. at a loss for words. lost in space. lost in a world of sadness.

i've got the monday blues? hahax. and tomorrow i'm gonna sacrifice for someone. i'm gonna go to school myself! yay! hahax. gonna make her mad. i don't care. hahax. everytime i see them, i go all soft inside and i just felt like tearing. i don't know what came over me. i wasn't that sentimental. okay, maybe i'm too emotional but apparently i'm definitely indecisive. what the heck. hmmm. nothing much.

in a dilemma. haix. wish there was someone i can talk to. really talk to. i want to be selfish and keep that someone to me. i just wish it can come true. i just wish that i can go on hiding behind facades forever, 'cause i never ever want to come out....

2007-04-14T11:50:00.000+08:00

yesterday was FRIDAY the 13TH and it really was an unlucky day.

so i was using the com and kept reminding myself to shower fast. cannot later than someone. yet, i was late for half an hour. sorry kiddies!! lolx.

then huiwen had her stalker call and we were like helping her la. nic pretended to be her boyfriend. for me, he scolded me motherfucker la. i so mad i scolded back. and realised my image gone=X hahax. i so mad lorx. don't like people scold me de. especially people who are in the wrong and yet say others. what the hell.

so we headed to cineleisure all drenched and cold. WHY? it was raining, like what dexter wrote, elephants and crocodiles. there were only 4 umbrellas and 9 of us. i thought to hitch a ride. but apparently cant ma. then i saw this man with an umbrella i go ask him can shelter me to cine cos he was headed there and he said sure. so i made small talk and he was like office guy la and i felt bad making him all drenched i just said shelther me to somewhere first. then i asked the rest go first. lolx. funny sia. shldn't have worn jeans. T.T i 'pee-ED' in my pants!! hahax. so funny. i actually laughed and laughed. nutterx le.

so we went kbox with hungry stomachs. SORRY!!!! not my fault actually, is nicholas toh don't let you peepx eat de!! lolx. and most never go kbox before and yet, they warmed up and had fun!! hahax. yuren has a nice voice. ask him join talent time!! hahax. so we had nicholas trying to flirt with the kbox girl. hahax. and she's taller than him by don't know how much. lolx. oopsie? hahax. then there was this group of girls celebrating someone's birthday then they kept looking here. lolx. so nicholas tried to catch their attention by singing so the... erm ya... to them lorx.. but they never turn their heads le. as though they can sense him there. so stupid. so we sang until 6 which was suppose to be ending time but nobody came to call us. then we sang till arund 7 plus. lolx. stupid lorx. one more hour free. wahahax. and we really went nutterx. lolx. left shaun one guy. hahax. then he kept dedicating songs to GEISHA!! hahax. me and jingyu were like trying to 'pearly shells' still. this time round, we figured out another thing. PEI YEE!!! why so blur get locked up at home? hahax. missed out all the fun sia. lolx. then they wanted play pool. and FORCED US to wait for ONE HOUR! AS USUAL. then everyone hungry lorx. WHO'S THE DADDY made his daughters waited. oh! forgot to say that insane cow de wenboh came. should be like that spell ba. lolx. NO COMMENTS. SHAUN threw his face and i made him lost with my constant laughter. lolx. he was on a winning streak though. hahax. so jingyu and i became cheerleaders. after that, SOMEONE said he don't want eat. and wanted to go home. so the.. made us wait and he said that. what the la. then shaun with his:"some people don't know how to take initiative let others sit" got us our seats at yoshinoya. lolx. so rude SHAUN.

after that celestine rushed home via taxi with wenboh. huiwen DIDN'T eat anything because she waited SO LONG and END UP don't feel like eating le. WHO'S FAULT? they were suppose to take the green line de. this time round, i'm the odd one taking the red line. lolx. but they so good accompany me and jingyu take red line. even though the journey is longer and they had to get up early today. THANKS A MILLION. NO THANKS to WHO'S THE DADDY. greenie yesterday. SHAUN, i won't buy anything for you and it's usually the son who sends the mother home. =D

so got home and wrote my diary and i MISSED THE FIRST HALF OF MY SHOW!!! ARGHX! today i've nothing to do after awaking from a nightmare consisting of some idiot. lolx.

but i really had fun yesterday. even though it wasn't the whole of NC who came. hahax. LOVE YOU PEEPX THOUGH!! hahax. this time singing, next time dancing? lolx. next time sports. next time bbq! CHALET! lolx. okay, i'm nutterx againx.

school's starting. i'm gonna be filial and stay home for these two days! yupx. AU REVOIR!!!

2007-04-13T09:55:00.000+08:00

so yesterday i went to bugis collect my pay and lee's face was kinda black. and i was laming ziwei with my smses. lolx. there were 4 people waiting to be interviewed. lolx.

then i went back to school. saw kaiyin and linghui. i was talking to valerie and celestine who were with wenboh. then ky and lh went up the escalator and i wanted talk to them so i went up AGAIN!! hahax. faint. then i went down the escalator after saying byebye to them. =.=

met up with a few of nature's call kiddies. lolx.

jingyu, peiyee, shaun and yuren so kind accompanied me for dinner. hahax. even though dinner was so pathetic at foodcourt sia. lolx. sorry! hahax. we ended up loitering in marina square again. i mean i keep going there la. today, better no more MS! go kbox! hahax. dotx. and most of them never go before. shaun is k virgin no more! wahahax.

my sister's school band got gold with honours. wonder phs got what lehx. hmmm.

so yesterday, had fun, threw our faces and laughed like nobody's business. lolx. everytime after nicholas called, everyone went into emo state. lolx. funny sia. so i'm evil, mean, bad towards him. hahax. the others also lorx. and peiyee can still say:"we like very bad, but it's very funny" and we all cracked up. hahax. jingyu talk more than in camp la. not bad. i took the train back with her and we were kinda gossipy. okay, gossipy about certain people la. lolx.

reached home and was writing my diary when some idiot just disrupted my thoughts and kept changing the plans for today. what the.. hmmphx. i'm gonna make everyone of them sing. i don't care. i gotta be high!! hahax. but i'm quite no voice le. oh my god. hahax.

that's about it. school's starting on monday. *groans* hahax. cya peepx!!!!

2007-04-11T12:31:00.000+08:00

being single has advantages and disadvantages.

i should not be sore and i should thank the person who helped made it happen. however, i don't have the heart to say thanks to him. my mum is so kind as to wake me up early in the morning and interrogated me about it.

yes, i know i'm in the wrong. because i didn't watch how i behave but i'm like that ma. like to play. how can you possibly ask me to be quiet and stay still. i'm restless.

i cant believe my friends can emo but i can still be high to cover up. i'm nutx.

yesterday went out with JAMS!!!! woohoo. but apparently we went to the same area as guoquan and gang plus the freshies. the freshies got some very good warn us but the place don't belong to them so we just went ahead. hahax.

guys thinking they bigshot and make people wait. hmmphx. lifen, i know it's not your fault. don't worry. so yesterday we were amidst kissing couples. at the rooftop of esplanade. chitchatting like good old days. somehow, i seem to ruin the atmosphere with my news. i'm not going to be emo and show everyone i'm sad. all i want to do is forget everything and enjoy myself. unless i'm under covers.

i'm in the wrong i know. somehow, that's me ma. haix. i love to have fun. not like last time so quiet la. haix. i'm much noiser nowadays. it's a part of me le. haix.

it's time i stop believing in miracles. it's time i stop hoping, fantasizing about things that will never happen.

2007-04-08T14:04:00.000+08:00

i'm sadded. hyper mode --> to trough session

yesterday, had the fop briefing. then i'm like so the siao siao. i keep saying the wrong things and hai dao me and nic. stupid sia. then we were like playing icebreaking with the facs. we gls la. then i partnered glen. and he's like so the high. and they listened to him not me!! T.T hahax. but my group very hyper. and that fel fel snatched my friends away to her group!! hmmphx. but still got ziwei in my group. hahax. then we were talking about our weights. i don't look my weight mehx? i'm quite heavy lorx. hahax. guoquan got stung by bee. lolx. nic jealous he stung by bee because he had so much attention. lolx. lifen and i siao siao siao. my group got a few girls asked me me and lifen related not lorx. not the first time le. oh my god. oh ya, we combined our groups for blow wind blow and the stupid thing is that we had almost everything the same so we just switched and switched. stupid right? lolx. then we all siao siao all the way. lolx.

later on, MALISSA and ZHI HAO are so kind to invite me to join their family outing. better than glen who just went uninvited. lolx. Mal Mal, i got write your name k? hahax. i had to settle dinner myself=( at first go out with JAMs de. but jinhong cant go and kaiyin and the rest all tired so cancelled. haix. i was so looking forward to having fun with them. but too bad. another time ba. hmmm. then FEL FEL so good wanted pei me for dinner but end up her mum got cook so LIFEN alone pei me. hahax. then they had oc debrief. nic let me join him and his 'friend' for badminton. lolx. regretted going there and breaking them up. so sad harx. hahax. joking. then we played and played and me and lifen crazy-ed the whole way. we very dumb la. and let nic's friend do the job. so throw face.

then we tired wanted go off le. LIFEN spoilt her slippers and then we sat down. and we forgot why we sat down in the first place. so we just waited for the dear banana to finish his last game which took like an hour. lolx. LIFEN and i had heart-to-heart talk. lolx. so funny sia. yuan lai so much things in common. lolx. went JEC after that. then ate ljs lorx. felt bad we separated nic and his friends. depriving him from girls. hahax. oops. then the atrium there got sell secondhand books. oh my god. i got hooked and was stuck there la. eventually, went to the cashier with my final purchase. and then LIFEN suddenly sang barney's song. i thought the auntie putting the books in the plastic bag won't hear me. then i corrected LIFEN and just sang there. then she and nic stunned. i turned and saw the auntie LAUGHING AT ME!!! i'm so the throw face lorx. and they laughed and laughed la. i one day go out also cant don't throw face de. why why why!!! T.T but, LIFEN threw her face at ljs so we're quits. lolx. later went home le. so sianx. ziwei was so bored then we chatted for an hour before i shush her. lolx. joking. hope someone can organise a family outing sia. like killer rabbit did. wahahax.

things always happen when you least expect them to. then they tend to change all your plans and ruin your mood. cherios..

2007-04-05T12:45:00.000+08:00

i'm sparing you guys the agony of a long entry that's to commerate the past 4 days. ya. be glad=)

sunday was prep camp for us la and we were so high too. hahax. played lots and lots of games crazily. lolx. but i was sick=( the nightwalk's done in pairs. and i was gripping guoquan's arm until very tight lorx. sorry! Haha. but i cant see a thing in the dark. i'm blind. haha. nicholas closed one eye in a game=X hehex. thanks! the facs rock!!!! woohoo!!!

so tired sia. but freshman orientation camp rocks! woohoo. hahax. had loads and loads of fun. even though there were some unhappy pissed off parts but all in all. all right!! hahax. stella and i got closer in the camp. hahax. and lifen is so the high. hahax. sometimes cant stand her but then sometimes, i'm so the high with her too. hahax. nobody can stand us. lolx. quite a success to the campers. my group name is nature's call and my 'husband' was nicholas. faint. yeah well, rumours are inevitable wherever you go but it'll go away soon. hahax. dotted.

had a gossiping session with the guys in my group. they are so the gossipers. had one with glen, nicholas and lifen. that was after the disco night. we practically chit chat till 6 plus before we headed back to our bunks to sleep. hahax. i'm the quieter one compared to nicholas. hahax. nicholas and guoquan are the two worse papas in the camp. hahax. lifen and i were disturbing nicholas throughout la. hahax. and he lied that he didn't have 6 pac. lolx.

we were all nutterx. i had so much fun sia.

nobody in psychology thursday de with me. i've to walk to T6 lorx. sadded. nevermind. make new friends. hahax. off to sleep le ba. hahax. take care^_^

2007-03-31T09:26:00.000+08:00

no sentosa

no emails

no best outfit

no close friends

no happiness

no fun

no money

no outings

no friendliness

no appearance

no brain

no everything...

2007-03-29T23:07:00.000+08:00

matthew is so the romantic la!!!! AH!!!!!! lolx....

today did work. i was the only girl working at waterloo street. faint. and it was raining. oh my god. kept being bullied. oh ya, ziwei must help me with the half book sia. lolx. faint.

tomorrow going school sia. sianx. clement sux sia. hahax.

i'm so tired. ah... saturday going sentosa ba. hope can bring miko go. since michelle don't want to join me and edwin. then i bring miko go. make her jealous. wahahax. evil sis me. lolx.

nothing much lehx. just tired. lolx. nightie night night!

2007-03-28T21:29:00.000+08:00

i tried i tried i tried i tried i tried i tried. but somehow, i failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed.

i'm so the annoying. irritating. i just cant remove that tinge in me. why? yes, i'm selfish. because it's been a long while since i've got it happen to me. i felt happy yet now, i've a sense of loneliness. i really am shutting myself i guess. i cant bring myself to feel all right. it just didn't seem right to me. haix. i really want to let go of all those thoughts but you caused them to happen. maybe because i care too much. and i'm scared of being hurt. that's why i hurt people first.

sorry to always be writing about such stuff. but it's me. click any link to get out of here ba. the rest is gonna be boring as hell.

today first time do bras basah. then with ziwei and atiqah. the carpark is a good place but it's hot and stuffy and a headache came about due to me hiding out in the carpark for quite a long while. felt like vomitting sia. anywayx, ziwei and i saw bryan ong and rui en lorx. they shooting some show la. if never remember wrongly, should be the one where rui en and bryan are siblings. ya. forgot name le. anywayx, i was pitching to this lady who got out of her car. and she was tall and had a nice body. quite pretty too. later on, she apologised to me for not being able to spare me 30 secs. she was late for work. i thought it weird because it was around evening le. but i didn't pursue. anywayx, later on, i thought back to her face. and realised it was ong ai leng. =.= some channel 8 actress la. and she was prettier than on TV. bryan very skinny also. rui en pretty sia. hahax. her hair is cool!!

later after work went back to bras basah to the music store to check out the books. then when i was leaving, i saw the ong ai leng and those crew members walking towards my direction. and she saw me and i smiled and she smiled. and i realised i'm so the embarrassed la. i mean... ya la. and ziwei dared me to ask bryan and rui en but they left before we could make any attempts. but ziwei, i did ask a celeb okay. lolx.

alot funny things happened la. lolx. anywayx, man ling was working for some pushcart de lorx. and is because i wanted to see my magnets and the cute stuff that's why i walked to her pushcart then saw her de lorx. oh my god.

i saw vincent. fishball head lehx ziwei! hahax.

i was typing and i forgot what i wanted to add on. faint-ED.

2007-03-27T23:22:00.000+08:00

i've confirmed my own doubts.

i created problems and i end up ruining relationships.

i'm the one with problems, not others.

nobody talks to me because i'm tanned and looked as though i've a black face. lol. not funny.
there's nothing to say to me because i don't know how to respond to them.

alex say not to tell the whole world i've a goon for a godbro because nobody knows him.
just remember, i'm here to lend a ear. after all, we've some common areas. lolx.

sometimes, i just tend to spoil the atmosphere. i say the wrong things at the wrong times.

i'm happy and not happy these days.

happy because i made friends.

not happy because i shut myself up because of fear.

wende is a very nice guy. he has this young boy look that makes people think he's very honest. in actual fact, he's the friendliest guy. okay, he spoke to me more than the others la. hahax. and we end up getting scolded. jianlin, junsheng and weikai not happy we keep talking. oops. wende, stop telling lame jokes.

ziwei and junsheng are really tian sheng yi dui. because the both of them are so lame. actually, i only realised that after i talked more to junsheng. i misjudged him because i believed in my own friend instead of hearing the story from both parties first. sorry. i only realised my friend for 12 years is quite lame. how come i never realise that? must be js influence her. lolx. i don't know whether we got closer or whether we're still the same but ya.

jolene has a very fierce look but she's actually friendly. lolx. i think too much le. lolx. the people at my workplace are nice people except for a few la.

today's my lucky day. that's why i could do that much. i'm serious. i think tomorrow i will degrade to one book only. oh my god. hahax. haix.

i learn patience through this job. because i had to curb my temper and hold my tongue. i couldn't curse the people who i approached ma. even though i was trying to be a well-wisher, hoping one day i could say:" xie xie, man zou, bu yao die dao worx=)" i'm actually a kind hearted person. right? not funny. yucks!

it just goes sour even though i try not to think about it. but i was the one who brought up the topic. honestly, i'm lazy to go out even if i have the time. and that's how disconnected i became with my friends. i'm a saint. lolx. why? because i help to bond other people. letting them have the chance to be closer. lolx. good me harx? hahax.

yesterday, i woke up and thought i lost my necklace. yuan lai, the chain snapped=X funny thing is that nothing happen for the past few days but yesterday it just happened. weird harx? maybe i was dreaming and yanked it off. ha ha ha.

blackie is still alive. it's a long kang fish? why and how it can survive? something sinister....

adieus i guess.

even though the people are kinda vulgar in the way they speak, they are actually caring and nice people. lolx. oh well. nightx.

2007-03-24T17:13:00.000+08:00

today had to play only one game lor. kept singing camp songs. then that idiot guoquan and nicholas keep saying i sure very happy because i from choir and my fav pasttime is singing =.= then they tried to master soprano. what the. faint. then had some couple dances and we just did with one another. who cares. guoquan had to do with almost every one of the guys. there were more guys than gals. and horx, terri they all not inside sia. one girl think is their friend. then felicia and shyanne. plus yiling, stella and me. add up to 6 girls. so weird. the guys were that two dumbos, clement, fangyi, you wei and zhi hao. lolx.

met stella at jurong east then we were laughing all the way till SAC foyer la. and we were late but there were people later than us (i meant zhi hao, fang yi and our dear legend) hahax.

hmmm. then nothing much le. friday got another stupid meeting. dumb sia. why cant all today. heck. hahax. oh well. nothing much le. hahax. really wish prep camp dont have to crawl in mud! ah!! and i've forgotten the music to the songs. what the. hahax.

alex goh is my godbro. yucks! hahax. joking.

i like most of the people today. hahax. and they were saying nightwalk we must do in pairs. and not girl with girl. but the papa and mama. oh my god. haiyo. cherios.

i'm so beat by work. aww man..

2007-03-22T23:02:00.000+08:00

today...

i just realised the meaning of love..

it has become a phase where girls apologise when it's the guy's fault and had nothing to do with the girl.

it has become a phase where girls become submissive.

some kind of girls.

just like me.

i also know what kind of friend i am today. i'm not the kind whom people confide in. i'm not anyone's closest buddy. i'm just A friend. amazing to realise it when it's been thrust in your face for don't know how long. i'm tired and very sick of asking people for donations when all they did was snubbed me and also reject me. however, i learnt to be patient. though i still cant open up and get high in the company where crazy zany funny peepx reigns.

no matter what, i'm there for my girlfriends. you know who you are. nitex.

2007-03-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

today is a nice day. okay not very nice 'cause i did something wrong and caused my whole group to do the stupid supporting one another thing again.

went for the camp briefing with jinhong. so called briefing where we only played games all the time. and paid the cash at the end. can you believe it? CLEMENT's also there. oh my god. and he was so damn hostile la. like don't know us like that.

anywayx, had fun, had stupid moments of forfeit thing. me and stella did alot la. faint. so did terri wanting and shiping. hilarious. my mood wasn't very good though. i'm not high enough. faint. doubt i'll be one of the 12 facs though. lolx. i'm sure clement will get it. he so the.... and he did the watermelon dance which was so the obscene.

so my group involved us laughing nonstop. popeye is our name while bob the builder is the other's. then jinhong same group as clement (haha) i in the other group.

played alot of games and it was so fun. except the stupid part where we had to be carried through the stupid web of strings where most of the girls accidentally exposed their backs. we're victims to a game of touchiness. lolx. and shiping was scared of ticklishness. so we were made to be carried across like corpses and shiping said that everyone's ghosts once they reach the other side. lolx. hilarious. that andrew face very fast red. and he's very enthusiastic. like the guoquan. they're very nice guys. lolx. keep reassuring us girls that we weren't very heavy for them to carry. i really must go on a diet. i'm seriously fat and heavy. trust me. lolx.

after that played alot la. nothing much le. then went home with jinhong and stella. we were practically noisy la. public nuisance. me and stella were laughing about the having tall guys for boyfriend thing. ask jinhong. she thought we're nutx. hahax. but she also got join in and laugh!! wahahax. dotted. tired sia. i caught the flu and also the throat infection. my tonsils are reddy red red. hmmphx. better release them if i accidentally catch them againx. okay, not funny.

au revoir=)

miko actually knew one camp song thing! and she taught me!! ah!! fainted. it's that everybody dance now that one lorx jinhong!! ah!!!

i actually talked about that thing to my mum. apparently her advice is of no help at all. hahax. i'll post some tests i did soon. maybe a category by itself. it's amazing. it's spot on on what kind of friend am i. lolx.

i wish things were the same but nothing is ever the same unless you maintain it. i'm the cause of everything and i can feel it and see it and sense it. don't deceive me. so what if i think too much? what's the reasons behind it? why do we always contradict ourselves? why hurt hits you when you least expect it? why?

2007-03-18T16:39:00.000+08:00

i'm a total jerk for the past few weeks. i didn't appreciate the concern my friends showed and yet i doubted them. hmmm. am i evil or what. *nod* i'm evil.

perhaps it's because i think too much and i'm prejudiced that's why i have those thoughts ba. hmmm. sorry becomes a word of no meaning. where it means alot in the past but now, everywhere you go, you hear it spoken as though it was an everyday word. not in the case of accidents but in the case of misunderstandings or accusations. so ya. i still cant kick this stupid habit of mine harx.

i really need a psychologist, nono, a psychiatrist. anybody knows one? lolx. i intend to take that gems. is it possible? hard to get in though. sighx.

so for the past few days, i've been seeing celebs everywhere i go and edwin believes that he's the cause of it. he thinks he's my lucky star. that's why i see so many.

went to support my sister for campus superstar. but she didn't get in. sing too softly. stupid idiot. lolx. and i saw cheyenne, shimin, eve and their friends there. cheyenne joined but she didn't get in either. sadded. my sister was like a total nervous wreck. i think she didn't relax enough. i kept calling her on her cell. i'm evil. wahahax.

LINGHUI! i borrowed CELL!! it's so the sadistic sia. but nice. hehe. chimology too. and i watched MUSIC AND LYRICS! nice la. but that cora was a total.... ya. hahax.

my dad bought a bunch of fishies to accompany blackie and they were twice as big as blackie. oh my god. when i poured the food into the tank. they gobbled everything immediately and the tank was as clean as before. poor blackie. i spent some time watching them. until i could fall asleep. blackie very no use. never fight for survival. sooner or later, i think he'll die. kaiyin don't worry, i won't squeeze him=X hahax.

tomorrow going to the camp briefing with jinhong. got water games sia. faint.

OH MY GOD!! MY MUM JUST SAID ONE FISH DIED!!!! BE RIGHT BACK!!!
CHEY!! the fishies were fooling around. they were trying to do stunts. swimming backwards and vertically. what the... my mum says since i can click with the fishies i should bring them to camp. or they'll die. jinhong what do you think? good? lolx. i think jinhong will be driven crazy by me by then. lolx. fishies!! don't die on me k? i'll be back soon.. =.=

so my sister couldn't stand me doing the fish therapy thing so she said to send me to IMH with a roomful of fish tanks and i can spend every single minute with them.

nothing much. tuesday starting work with ziwei and edwin. ziwei pulled me along de. it's an everyday thing till 2nd april. then i've to go sentosa with sister on 31st. oh my god. faint. what else? hmm. beats me.

i've been having weird dreams again. LINGHUI!!! you don't pass the dreams to me!! no!! not funny. cherios=)

2007-03-16T11:42:00.000+08:00

i spoke to her about it. and yet, i felt no relief. is it because i've locked her out? why?

i read it and i went cold. so did i do the right thing?

i'm getting tired. i just want to be happy.

but...

sensitivity killed me....

2007-03-15T13:27:00.000+08:00

naive

selfish

materialistic

annoyance

hot tempered

perfectionist

petty

it's time to shut the door to my heart

it's time to lock up my feelings

it's time to shut myself...

sometimes, you'll get the feelings that you know are really the truth but somehow, you just cant bring yourself to ask or express them. written words are the only solution. because other than that, you don't know how to say it out. you realise that the people close to you are not what they seem to be, you become depressed, sad, disappointed, hurt. the pain of being deceived. what more to say.

i really wish that we can pour everything out and say the truth instead of finding an excuse. why? if you're not happy with the arrangement, then say it out. why lie to me? or am i paranoid? too sensitive? or is it just a facade?

i'm problematic. problems happen because i created them. i'm the loner of hell....

2007-03-14T12:34:00.000+08:00

like what linghui said. wishes will always be wishes. i totally agree.

going for FO camp ba. make more friends. most hilarious thing was the person who contacted me was this girl called malissa. and then she called and said: "hello, may i speak to melissa? oh, i'm malissa from FOC and...." i stunned. did i hear correctly? it sounded hilarious. furthermore, i know who she is la. faint. linghui also know. we too free le. lolx. she is that dba01 de. the wenxiang's friend's friend. get it? lolx. anywayx, jinhong and i going that camp. i asked malissa if my friend can join and she say cant unless selected by that glen. sorry liming=(

so i spent yesterday at home rotting. slacking. and then i went nutx. orangie died. so blackie was alone. sad right? orangie died with a bloated stomach and i used the net to squeeze its intestines out. eww. gross. ya but just curious ma. then so smelly la. i think the fishies constipated. blackie also starting to float in a weird angle le. lolx. i took a photo of him. hehe.

so then i went to fetch my sister from her leadership camp. and the drinks stall auntie actually chatted about hanakimi with me and michelle. we're like oh my god. then miko came back with a charcoal face. and we went to buy crabbies. and then i told her what i did to her fishies. and she was like," WHAT!?" ya. sadist har.

and i had nothing to do. i started to let my imagination run wild. i'm fed up. fed up for always trying to compromise. mum says i've become a materialistic girl. and jinhong say i perfectionist. so there you have, materialistic perfectionist. lolx. so it's a materialist melissa, the perfectionist. what the. i'm talking rot.

was looking through my diaries. and i realised i tore out the pages of my secondary school diary and now i cant reminisce. T.T aww man.

i'm tired of myself. why do i always complicate things? what's the big deal of my birthday. i just grow older that's all. in age but mentally, i'm not ma. so childish sia. lolx. haix. i just need an ocean to scream and shout at.... at this very instant, this very moment....

ya right. so what if i know how to self reflect? it doesn't change anything.

i didn't get the wishes i want (those from my good friends) and those i didn't expect to wish me actually did. amazing harx? so what's right? what's wrong? am i naive to care? to even think that people remember? it's only a birthday. nothing much. but somehow, it shows how much a person care and whether they remember you. who cares. i just know i'll wish anyone whose birthday i remember.

au revoir=)

2007-03-13T12:24:00.000+08:00

bullshit all bullshit.

i loathe liars and all kinds of hypocrites.

why do this to me?

why cant u tell the truth?

or am i the paranoid one?

what you said and what you did don't seem to convince me that it's all truths.

it hurts alot. my heart.

ya, i'm pathetic. i'm paranoid. i'm crazy to even think so much and make myself jump to conclusions, make assumptions and what nots. but spare a thought for me. you're not the only one in need.

all nonsense. i never ever want them anymore!!!! i hate it. hate it forever and ever. why does it always hurt? am i too naive to even trust you? am i naive to have faith in you? to believe you and your statements? the very statements that i cant see any truths in. i try not to think but sometimes, i cant help it.

i'm lost againx. lost in my own world. in my own wild imagination. in a world where pain and hurt reigns.....

i'm not in a clear state of mind.
i'm annoyed.
i'm just not me.

the only way to have friends is to be one. rubbish.

what a let down. all crap. junk.

i want to fall into a bottomless pit. a place in limbo. where there's no worries anymore. no more notions of any weird kind. i just want to be me....

T.T
=(
:(
)=
):

2007-03-13T09:09:00.000+08:00

TOH LING HUI!!!!!! i also 2A07. lolx. like duh i think. hahax. faint. and horx. think the choosing gems day falls on FO camp and prep camp day lehx. faint-ED.

happy birthday to us
happy birthday to us
happy birthday to liming and me
happy birthday to us=)

hahax.

thanks to those who remembered. and to those who didn't, nevermind. hahax. it's not that important anywayx.

my birthday this year is a total disaster.

nobody's happy. i'm only partially happy. anywayx, it was my fault. i ruined my own birthday so i've no one to blame.

went vivo yesterday, very stupid sia. walk walk walk. oh ya! saw shilei. but she cant recognise me and so i didn't bother saying hi. hahax. then after that bored bored bored. 'cause it was hot hot hot. and i stayed in air con throughout. hahax. then went eat jack's place. the waitress very the.. don't know how to describe. faint. okay, so had some throw face incidents AGAIN. pathetic sia.

sunday went to work. and then i met linghui first ma. so waited for her and the wind blew my hair into a mess. yayness =.= and both of us were wearing white shirt with black shoes and black skirts. after that la. stupid sia. poor her had an accident on the first day. but never mind. it's okay to make blunders. nobody's perfect. so yupx. then the wedding very the nice. and they played so many romantic songs that one can even feel the blissfulness. lolx. touching ehx. can cry kind. later on, end le ma. so we rushed to get the last train. then saw liming. hahax. yuan lai she also got into marketing. yayness X 2. hahax.

that's about it. i forgot what i want to type le. AS USUAL. oh well. au revoir=)

2007-03-11T10:49:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday was a super fabulicious day. hahax. okay, even though it was hilarious but overall, SUPERB!! WOOHOO!!

met ben, zhikang, weiming and jianning to bring the stuff over to ecp pit G77. we threw our faces at city hall while waiting for the train to come. apparently, we heard a train coming and we took all our stuff and waited. and waited. it turned out to be the train at the upper platform. FAINT-ED. a VERY FAR AWAY pit. lolx. FAR from SHOPS and CIVILISATION!!! i'm serious. of course, we had friendly insects accompanying us.

so the whole ice box reeked of fishy smell. stinks man. nevertheless, we had an enjoyable time. lolx. so erm, let's see, we alighted at bedok mrt station and then went to buy bottled drinks. after which, we hailed taxis, split into two groups and headed to ecp. and then me, weiming and ben in one taxi and zhikang and jianning in the other one. their taxi fare was cheaper (5.60 to 6.20) uncle cheated our feelings. T.T hmmm.

so they tried to start the fire and realise that we didn't buy ice. =.= HENCE, ben and i went to rent bikes and walked like hell to some area near F i guess. F or E ba. it's a very long walk. rented the bike at 6pm. the shop closes at 7pm. what the heck. so starts the long tiring journey back to G77. collided with ben's bike twice and i got oil all over my legs. plus cuts. aww man. dot dot dotx. then i told him to ride AS FAR AS POSSIBLE. and he really did. i couldn't see him at all. very far. so i rode as fast as i can which wasn't fast judging from the number of people slow-riding in front of me. and then i lost my footing on the pedals and went 'sliding' near the side of the track. lucky i stopped in time. but i still threw my face. AS USUAL. then nearing the area, i was turning into the pavement and there were two bikes heading towards me. and people too. i tried to move nearer to the side and instead, i crashed into the thorny plants near the fence. and THERE WAS SOOOO MANY PEOPLE!!! so, i pretended i stopped to wait for ben. i'm so the throw face. imagine later i've to work!!!! AT A WEDDING DINNER AS A DRINK SERVER!!!! AHHH!!!! CONFIRM THROW FACE DE!!! OH MY GOD!!! PANICKY!!!

sihong and audrey helped return the bikes. thanks=)

and we started bbq-ing. eventually, the sky turned dark. and the aeroplanes were spectacular. lolx! at the point when audrey was looking for food, weiming and i were having fun wrapping the sotongs and the rest were busy bbq-ing. A HUGE GUST OF WIND BLEW MOST OF OUR STUFF ONTO THE GROUND. A CHUNK OF THE TREE ABOVE US BROKE AND LANDED ON THE GROUND NEAR US. WE COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED. the food tray had leaves and twigs in it. our hair were all in pretty bad condition. and insects were EVERYWHERE!!! the battle between insects and us began. =.= *groans* dramatic me again.

mingli and xinfang walked from D48 to C30 i think. and then they had to walk back here again. lolx. hilarious. mingli! see this!! throw face harx. hahax.

cindy brought her dog. and i sought refuge with ziwei. lucky i'm not the only one afraid of dogs. and LUCKY ME POOR ZIWEI. hahax. they targeted her instead of me.

and then the march kiddos - audrey, zhikang and me celebrated our birthdays.

zhengyang brought a towel and while wiping his face, he dropped his ear stud and then we searched for it and he was like panicky. hahax. joking.

then, my parents rushed me and i had to get back the tongs and icebox and leave them iceless and tongless. sorry. and ziwei was like wanting edwin to come so that cherlyn can compare height. lolx. and he didn't want to come. apparently he was at area D. so i left and walked the road to meet him and i was only at area F!!! wtf. then my angels came in the form of cindy, lishan, eliane and cindy's dad. THANKS ALOT!!!!!!!!! sorry i stink up your car with the bbq smell. ewwww. i stink man. yucks. then they drove me to area E and i'm very GRATEFUL. LOVE THEM!!! hahax. and then i took taxi home and was in time for channel u 11.30pm Guess Guess Guess. lolx. yang cheng ling k! hahax. but of course, got scolded by my parents for making edwin come even though it was him who insisted on coming.

so i'm safely home and sleeping soon.

thanks edwin for sending me home even though he was at camp from thursday to saturday morning. and was very tired. and had to wait for me to leave till so late. and he walked from area A since 8 plus. T.T

thanks to benjamin, weiming, jianning, zhikang, sihong, audrey, yongsen, ambrose, mingli, xinfang, ziwei, cherlyn, eliane, cindy, zhengyang and lishan for such an unforgettable day. lolx. even though i'm not very close to them but it was still fun. next time don't bbq le la!!! go steamboat or somewhere, something else. lolx.

ziwei's been asking me to go out on a mission with her but apparently i couldn't find an empty slot=( sorry. hahax. and it's a very urgent mission due on 14 march. lolx. okay. enough crapping.
i'm gonna miss UGLY BETTY today. shucks. sadded. hmmm.

oh ya, I GOT INTO MARKETING WITH NICE PEOPLE AND NOT NICE PEOPLE. hahax. dotted.

i'm booked since 10th of march. and my last tiring day hopefully ends on 17 march. then i can slack and do nothing. please please please!!

cherios=(

2007-03-09T10:42:00.000+08:00

Went out with Ling Hui yesterday. And we laughed and laughed. stupid la. hahax. then we talked about some things. anywayx, don't swell head horx. but my mum said you quite pretty. big eyes. and how come you no boyfriend. hahax. don't worry, i never tell my mum someone chasing you=X hehex.

we went to chong pang. at first i at cobbler's repairing my shoes. then he finished the task and i paid him. then i said thank you and he started telling me that the previous rubberizing on my shoes was plastic kind. easy drop and blah blah blah.then he told me his come from france de. very good one. and i was just nodding my head in the mere hope that he will take the hint and stop. faint. he didn't. went look for skirts. found one pair only and two of us want buy. then didn't ask the people. then we went to amk hub. alot of amksians. then i saw renfred. and jinhong joined us. and they didn't see him either. faint. oh well. shows i'm observant =P hehe. then we were like don't know that pair of shoes qualify for the work we doing not. then we keep going back there. at first we went there look see have. then we try abit. and just because my feet big don't mean they fat lehx. hmmphx. at least is long. wahahax. bleahx. then the person also can recognise us liaox. fainted. then after that we brought jinhong go see. then jinhong said go see around. after that we couldn't see any other shoes that was better than that pair so end up we went back and bought it. lolx. before that we saw a pair of shiny ones and the salesgirl was like dotx. we told her we wanted two sizes and she gave us the middle size=.= then we each tried one side. after that linghui said too big i said too small. then we cracked up. after that the person said: "oh you all want TWO pairs harx?" faint. which means in the first place she thought we playing only. dotx. whack her! oh yea. and linghui and i kept laughing and laughing and it was stupid. both of us standing in the middle of nowhere talking on the phone if not walking then suddenly we talk about something and we crack up. people kept looking at us=X hehex.

then we went city hall with jinhong. laughed again. faint-ED X 10. hmmmm. nevermind. forget what i want type le T.T hmmm. nothing much le. went back yishun. nothing.

came home. my sister told me that there's a surprise waiting in the kitchen for me. and my youngest sister practically screamed at me to help her. i'm clueless. later on, i walked into the kitchen and found out that she went the pasir ris kids kampong and then got 10 guppies. those long kang fish. shrugx. then i was like trying to make them jump. hahax. then dad bought a fish tank and fish food home. then we tried our best to transfer them without letting them do high jump. after that, we realised a very nice fish died. it's a gold colour one. and my sis and i named it goldie. senseless. hahax.

nearing midnight. i went check on the fish. and realised that a few are dying. really dying. so sadded. and my sis de friend gave her one of the fish which she said was a type of fish called molly or something. don't know the spelling. so it died. what a pity.

this morning she banged open my door and shook me awake. i thought she needed help to make her tie but apparently i was wrong.

"DA JIE!!!! HEN DUO YU SI LE!!!! MAMA BU HUA KAI NA GE GAI!!! BANG WO!!! BU YAO SHUI JIAO!! QI LAI BANG WO!! KUAI DIAN!!!"

and then i was so lazy i said nevermind, later la. of course she shouted louder and more hysterically. siao. only fish ma. but cant blame her. she never have pets before. hahax. then mum explained what happened and i got up and went to pay my last respect to the fishies. so sad. now left 2. wahahax. think the fishies got frightened by my sister's shouting. then heart attack and yi bing bu qi. lolx! then never mind. hmmm. i couldn't go back to sleep and went market with my mum.

THE END.

2007-03-08T09:11:00.000+08:00

junwei don't like me keep saying sorry so instead of sorry, i'm going to say thank you. can anot? hahax.

thanks junwei arhx.. for entertaining me with your weird ways.

thanks dba07 for creating fun and excitement in my life..

thanks jams for being there.

thanks ziwei for being there.

thanks for all those wonderful memories.

thanks to all my friends for being a part of my life.

thanks alot.

i realised that in a way, "i've something on" has created the most foolproof reason for anything in the world. be it true or just a cover. the latest trend.

2007-03-07T11:27:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking alot. why are there misunderstandings? miscommunications? i think i started it all.

i kept running away from my problems or should i say i try to avoid awkward and unhappy situations. so sometimes i keep things to myself. okay, maybe most of the time.

i've been having relationship problems lately. and i think i know the cause of it. i rather bury myself in books than talk about idols and stuff. novels and thrillers are my kind of things. i hardly talk as i'm speechless. loss for words to say. sometimes, when i hear what my friends are talking about, i'm clueless. then i ask my sister and she can just rattle out names of celebs or songs. i gasped. i'm like a klutz. a nerd. only books and no life sia.

i rather i suffer alone than let my friends suffer with me. our thinking are so different. that sometimes i doubt even myself. why did i ever bother to try.

the whole journey back home alone made me think alot. i ponder and wonder, wonder and ponder. somehow, i know that the problem lies with me. i created the mess. and i should clear it up. by trying to put on a facade, i'm hiding myself from the world. perhaps, it's because i'm afraid to get hurt, that's why, i don't dare to start opening up, to try to love or show that i really care alot about friendships. i cherish them. but sometimes, i wonder why i'm so lazy to even make an effort to keep them. very saddening. i'm a disappointment=(

2007-03-07T09:39:00.000+08:00

yesterday:

thanks for celebrating. even though it was very funny. erm i also don't know what to say.
i had an enjoyable time. we went kbox where we decided to throw our face=) good right?
then they played happy birthday song and brought in the cake. nice cake la.
then after singing some of them went played pool and the rest of us sing and sing lorx. and high and high. hor weixin?

sorry kaiyin.. your phone lost after messaging me=(

went took neoprints. and it's another fast machine againx. stupid sia. i'm wearing black AGAIN. then after that left a few of us only. sadded. but also bit late le. went newton eat. char kway teow. big plate la. oily too. we were quite entertained though. kept laughing and laughing. then people looking somemore.

elaine gave a nice nice balloon. thanks=) and my dear dear JAMs gave me one cutesy sylvanian family de set. very kewl. wahahax. thanks alot. edwin bought me my rainie yang music book!! AH!!!

oh ya. weixin was helping hold jinhong de neoprints. then i asked her put inside my wallet. and after that she say she think she gave me hers. faint. then she gave me the other one. and i told her to check again. after that come home le. received her message say she think she's holding on to jinhong's neoprints instead of her own. FAINT-ED X 100. smart right? and she say she check only the hand holding neoprints not the photos itself. haix.

i couldn't sleep yesterday. results was today. i kept thinking and thinking=(

today linghui more anxious than me. already checked her results at 8 plus. messaged me. make me panic. my mum also. then after that i saw my results. my mum was like:"how come like that?" i'm lost for words. it's always midyear okay and then final year end up like shit de. haix. i'm so disappointed in me. no As at all. 5Bs one C two C+. the two C+ were my econs and mob. MOB you know!? the one subject that i was hoping i get at least a B but i failed me=( my gpa dropped this time round. and pulled my cumulative gpa. at least i passed everything ba. zi wo an wei. but i cant help feeling sad. haix. oh well.

yesterday before blowing out the candles, they told us to make a wish. i have so many wishes. and i totally forgot to wish for good results. faint. and i wished for something i felt was more important. since i doubt it'll happen i might as well say it. hahax. i wished that JAMs was there to celebrate my birthday. a near date is all right as long as we can spend some time together. hahax.

nothing much.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

i remember that time i made hoiki cried. sorry hoiki. and it's only when the others told me then i know. i made my best friend cry=(

i seem to have a knack at that. i think i made sinhui cry too. okay, we used to be best friends. on the phone almost every day. wu suo bu tan. but then, somehow, because of some things that happened, i think we grew far apart. and very far apart. sinhui, i'm sorry.

some things were mentioned yesterday. and it made me thought of the past. i couldn't help feeling sadded. there was phyllis too. and i wasn't a very good friend. sorry phyllis.

actually, i think i was quite petty. sorry ziwei for enduring me since primary school.

and then when i get to have best friends, somehow, i think i made us grew distant and far apart.
we come to a time that we no longer have things to say. and then, somehow, i lost another best friend. sorry allena.

and now, for the most difficult part because it's the present.

i'm sorry weixin.
i'm sorry i keep making fun of you.
i'm sorry i hardly tell you things.
i'm sorry.

i'm sorry kaiyin.
i'm sorry i cant understand you.
i'm sorry.

i'm sorry jinhong.
sorry for doubting you.
sorry for misunderstanding you.
sorry for not being able to see eye to eye in alot of things with you.
sorry i made you think i'm so petty.
i'm sorry.

last but not least. the one who's supposed to be the one closest to me. the one whom i tell ALMOST everything to....

i'm sorry linghui.
i'm sorry i misunderstood you.
i'm sorry i didn't bother to communicate with you.
i'm sorry i wasn't a good friend.
i'm sorry i had those notions.
i'm sorry.

thanks JAMs for being there for me. thanks alot for enduring my nonsense. thanks for going through everything with me. we may not be in the same class next sem but we'll always be the JAMs of DBA07=)

2007-03-03T11:13:00.000+08:00

to shirlene: I SAW SABRINA YESTERDAY!!!! with her boyfriend and his family. oh my god. hahax. she's skinnier..

to nobody in particular:

i'm bored..
finally know the name of miko's nursery teacher de daughter's name - joanna. now she's in RP studying business application. talk about coincidence. right...

yesterday watched hannibal rising. so boring. and before the show started, i got a phone call from some consulting agency asking me to go for an interview for some post in a bookfair. and the problem is i cant make it=( T.T sickening me. why did i pick up the phone now? idiot sia. should have let it rang and rang. then maybe the person will call back later and i can say okay. idiot sia. arghx.

i keep bombarding jinhong with questions to the stupid idiotic shoes that i couldn't find. okay, i did find them but it looked ah ma-ish. =.= then the skirts i found were like got pockets de.. but apparently when i wanted to check how deep the pockets were, it turned out that it's just a design and there's actually NO pockets. faint-ED X 100. arghx.

i've grown fatter. s cannot wear le. m size liaox. T.T boohoo.

saw yiyuan yesterday. with i think his dad and sister. shrugx. botak head somemore. lolx. i think he grown fatter. or maybe it's his hair. hahax. we stunned a while. faint.

i keep eating and eating. haix. my contact lens solution finished and i cant use my contacts without it. idiot. should have anticipated it. now i'm stuck with glasses. eeewwww. whatever. not a hassle.

i went to market with my mum yesterday morning. at 6! and then there was this baby in his stroller. he looked at me then i smiled. after that i turn away. then i turned back see him, he smiling againx. then i turned away. after that, i turned again and he laughed. =.= i think he thought i was playing with him. lucky he didn't cry seeing sadako. right.. not funny.

think nothing le ba. hmmm. oh well. lala. end of story.

it feels as though we've grown apart
the distance become so distinct
silence reigns now
why
have we ran out of topics
or are we no longer close
what's unfaithful
what's trust
what's close
what's bond
what's love
what's faith
what's what
i don't know anymore....

2007-03-01T11:42:00.000+08:00

the time has come
to say it all
but then you start regretting
why did i ever do that?
is it right?
is it what i want?

the hurt
the pain
the journey
that we went through
i'm lost...

very lost...

a part of me got pulled out each time
and yet, it got glued back again
what's the point?
i'm tired

is it wrong to want truths be told?
is it wrong to want honesty?
trust?

why must we live in a world
full of hypocrites
bootlickers
independents
backstabbers
a world with so many people
under so many different facades
so superficial
a must to survive in the society...

2007-02-27T14:12:00.000+08:00

self-confessed lazy bum.

thanks linghui for enduring all my nonsense. specially to her because she helped me in alot of stuff. hee. right now, i wish i can help her with..... ya

thanks to jammie jams jams.

lalalalalalala. i dreamt of arranging stupid flowers againx. and this time, i'm linghui's sis. faint-ED

why do i feel that way?
why do i care so?
i feel caged
jailed
stuck
lost

i'm shutting the door
that leads to my deepest secrets
the door that no one will ever enter
if it ever opens
pray send me to the asylum
as all hell break loose
when i start declaring statements of truth
i'm declared a nutcase
blabbering and ranting
in my own world
where i no longer see myself
sane as ever
or loved by any
i'm hated for me
i'm hated for attitude
i'm hated because i hate me

2007-02-26T10:57:00.000+08:00

am i the one changing or are you the one changing.
feeling out of the place.
feeling lost
feeling depressed because i know we are not who we used to be.
i try to be brave
i try to keep calm
i try to tell myself i'm thinking too much
how?
what?
why?
am i the one at fault or are you the one who's been untruthful to me
tell me the truth
tell me why
tell me everything...

2007-02-21T10:52:00.000+08:00

Very Happy Chinese New Year to All! okay, i'm late with the greeting but ya. sorry to those i didn't send any wishes to. actually, i didn't really send any to anyone=X oopsie..

hmmm. i've been eating steamboat and teppanyaki for the past 4 days. terrible. i've developed a nice round bulging tummy. okay, not that exaggerating but you get the idea. fatter by don't know how much.

atmosphere this year at my da gu's house is not bad la. my family created the nice nice atmosphere de worx. hahax. faint. then i was in the purple monokuro boo dress, with my purple handbag, purple hair mousse, monokuro boo watch, purple eyeshadow. and ya. that's about it i guess. dotted.... anywayx, hongbao collection not bad la. hahax.

Important Notice: Jun Wei really believed the sachet was bought and he actually didn't know what to do with it. =O

i think i'm too sensitive ba. or my dressing was weird. shrugx. well, 2nd day, went my nanny's house. hahax. then her daughter, rykiel had a cat. and i'm like legs up on the sofa and chair when i was eating. stupid sia. fake eyelashes ain't fun. makes your eyes feel as though they're covered by half. yucks. i will never touch fake eyelashes ever!!! i mean it. EWWW...

cousins are never close. and close ones are those of my mother's cousins. faint-ED. haiyo. then they all came to our house after steamboat at my ah gu's house... then one biao biao di slept on our sofa. when it was time to go, he actually lost his temper and just walked out of the house without wearing his shoes. what the. it's my house, please show respect to your parents and us. disgusted. he didn't even say sorry the next day when we went to his house. he told his mum he forgot about it. what the heck. arghx. mum says it's because he's stressed up. exams coming and such. oh well, excuses. i cant bear those, not that i'm not guilty of it either but ya. i cant stand me!? hahax. dotx.

i see cousins so close, i'm kinda disappointed that my cousins and us ain't close. why? haix. okay, my sisters can laugh and talk like they're so familiar with them but for me, i find nothing to start a topic with and even if i start a topic i usually ended up with a silent conversation. sitting there watching tv is usually what i do when i go visiting. eww. yucks me. antisocial. hahax. dotx. i'm not very good at talking and mingling. T.T

last night, i had a horrible dream. again. but this dream was so horrid i ended up waking up and crying. weird harx. linghui, don't kill me horx... but......=( i dreamt that you died=X then i was stunned. going home from school, i actually called your number but nobody picked up, then i remembered you were gone, and i cried until very jia lat. couldn't stop. and then, i woke up =.= don't know why i dreamt of that. mum says that you will have a long live. faint. oh well. that's about it. cherios=)

2007-02-15T17:01:00.000+08:00

since linghui updated on the flowers thing then i don't update le. wahahax.

junwei! i bought a flower sachet for you lehx. special one. unique. one and only de. i won't put the picture of it. wait no surprise le. but you can ask linghui. it's very nice=)

yesterday:

due to the whole day job thingy the day before, i woke up at around 9 plus. and my messages were like alot. i'm practically running late. terrible. mummy asked me to pass cookies to my neighbour on the 2nd storey. so i climbed down. then that aunty asked me to pass cookies to my mummy. and i climbed up. =.= so in for a beating. hmmphx.

then i took bus to sengkang. during the journey, got a very NICE lady. Her phone rang and she picked it up and started talking very loudly and everyone turned their heads to look at her, never mind that she's situated at the back of the bus. the very back.

went compasspoint. whatever the full name is. and then went sonara music school. got one music book full of rainie yang's songs and another full of HSM songs. terrible. i cant buy both. and the rest of the songs were like not very nice. to me.

later on, went to cityhall. raffles city. saw my monokuro boo. did i tell you that the chinese name is zhu ge li zhu? hahax. shrugx. anywayx, edwin kept asking me to go to the washroom. so maddening. then when i came out he wasn't waiting - he was in the florist. =.= right... and before that waiting for train, he kept saying: "people got flowers you don't have lehx, how?" piggy. pout. and i got a bouquet with a purple rose inside. sweet.

went marina square and i bought the heart-shaped massagers for JAMs. then just went strolling. atrium there got people selling nice nice bouquets with bears inside. he wanted to buy another one but considering the price. i doubt i want it. furthermore, i'll look stupid carrying two bouquets 'cause mr. ong won't hold them for me. saw xiao en la. her hair short le. lolx. then we turned at the same time somemore. faint. i saw phs choir senior stephanie. lolx.

later went suntec find goh jas min. it was her break so we sat at haagen daaz eat the horrendous icecream and waited for her. some lady came and sat at our table, we looked up and realised it was joyce la. faint. didn't recognise her in her uniform. we were throwing our faces 'cause we kept laughing. hahax. anywayx, joyce told us that a guy's gonna propose to his girlfriend over dinner. they'll be at the swisshotel or what not spelling. and then the guy will call the suntec people and they will change the big big screen to something like "will you marry me" kind. so sweet la. but i couldn't stay to watch. T.T

after that went to millenia walk. then went to the kawai music school.=X the same books cost about 2 times more than usual. terrible. lolx. then so tired sia. walked back to suntec. saw puiman. then behind her was renjie. we walked a distance before puiman reacted and said: " eh renjie! melissa lehx!" and he turned and looked at me and i looked at him and his mouth formed an O. =.= and he stunned there for don't know how long. i just waved and walked off as fast as possible. LOLX! terrible.

hmmm. went somerset. cineleisure de chicago steakhouse. then got one couple sitting outside kept looking at my bouquet. and like smirking. but don't know what's wrong with them. it might not be pretty but i like it ma. my favourite colour. at least better than them. the girl also no flowers. faint. hahax. then ernest called edwin and asked him why we standing outside. lolx. then we say we share together. then others can sit ma. considerate right. yeahx. so we laughed. and ate. and chatted. and crapped. and reminisced. and so on. we headed to heeren de IS. joy wanted to try the dress size ernest bought. on the way, we passed carol and alfonso. i'm stunned. hahax. then at IS. got one black dress is nice nice de worx. hahax. but i bony collarbone so wear le not say very nice. i didn't try. i made an assumption. hee. then walked to paragon. then went home lorx. nothing much la. hahax. oh yeahx, joy's bouquet is white rose with green wrapping. mine is with white wrapping. hahax.

and that's the end of the story=) now for pictures!!!!!

my present came in this box!!!

i opened the box and saw this...

and these....

and this is the surprise bouquet=)

today:

went school for the very very very extremely short briefing. gave JAMs minus weixin the massagers. only kaiyin knew which part is used to massaging. jinhong and especially linghui told me is the round round part instead of the heart part. of course, i have proof that it's the heart part. why? we went northpoint and then mini toons and ms toh asked the person which part is for massaging and you know the rest. so ya. hmmm. we ate yoshinoya and then there's this businessman, one hand gripping his briefcase and the other holding the tray of food. eventually, down came the bowl of soup and splatter it went onto the floor. how embarrassing. and so poor thing. his briefcase was covered in miso soup. and this Filipino family got the rest of the soup. especially the little girl with big big eyes. not his day. sad. nothing much.

came home and end of today's events. au revoir=)

2007-02-11T12:22:00.000+08:00

yesterday was the most enjoyable day for me. okay, maybe not very enjoyable but i really had fun.

met allena in the morning and we headed to innova junior college. saw many people there. lolx. a few long time no see one. gekchoo, kaixiang, baoyun, seokhui, mei sing, dexter. hahax. as for allena, she met up with her 3mths course de class friends and then forgot about me. T.T hahax. she ran here and there. i just got tired standing there doing nothing. lolx. then xinfang and mingli and i go walk about lorx. hahax. mingli also permed her hair. talk about coincidence. lolx.

later on, left with red faces. sunburn le. hahax. not tanned but burnt. eew? faint. then allena went to do her stuff and i met linghui for lunch at long john silver. then the stupid crew don't want come near us to clear our table. then we kept looking at her. she look back at us. hmmphx. angry sia. clear other tables don't want clear ours. then we put the rubbish on another table she go clear. =.= later on, we sat there talking and so many funny stuff. keep laughing. hahax. then we went walking. saw very nice chinese new year cards. and saw one with a pig and hongbao and oranges. cute horx. linghui horx? lolx! then she accompanied me till i boarded the bus to khatib. thanks girl. lolx.

allena's daddy drove me and allena to yishun junior college. hahax. saw melvin and then he was like, "why you come? the funfair not good de!!" we were like, "huh?" he's yjc de la. faint. weiming they all went town. zhikang, weekiat, jianning, jaron, zhiwei, laurel went dinner with us. lolx. and xinfang, mingli and their friend. don't know name. lolx. saw jasmine chen. then saw keith, audrey tan!!, joanna and loads more. oh yeah, i saw phebe there too. hmm. then adeline never pei us 'cause she couldnt leave. sadded. but anywayx, decided to have another outing in march. yepx. took neoprints too. wahahax. funny. then never mind. quite late le. haix. then all tired and grumpy. don't say also can feel it. trying to be emo lorx they all. haiyo. happy happy how to emo. dotx. haix. went home after that. mingli and i still clicking. lolx.

the difference between poly and jc students was so prominent. what a sad thing. haix. just don't seem to be able to find a common topic. everyone's so busy and so involved in their schools. hahax. it made me realise i actually lost my best friends through several complications and our connection is never the same again=(

ooo.. i got few pictures for you guys. hahax. the first photo dedicated to lye wei xin.

hellokitty car at a carpark near my house. couldn't resist the temptation to go near and take photo. lucky nobody call police=X

saw this handmade card.not bad la. but the oranges got big and small ones. lolx.

i'm in love with this photo. the best cartoon card i've ever seen.. lolx! =X

i baked this cookies. actually the main attraction is the cute container. lolx. got handle on the top!

went dentist last friday. and the dentist and his assistant like never grow any older lehx. the last i saw of them was when i was in primary school so yea. dotx. hahax. and i'm smitten by the way he works. lolx. hilarious.

that's about it. i think. cherios. no jobs want me. T.T

2007-02-08T15:35:00.000+08:00

I DECLARE: VACATION OFFICIALLY STARTS!!! AND EXAMS ARE OVER!!!! HIP HIP HURRAY!!!

dreamx:

1st dream - mum was doing relief teaching at kindergarten. then phs de ex discipline mistress, lim soh peng walked past. then mum got scolded about not letting one pupil go home. then my daddy nearby. and he saw me and edwin. then he shook his head at me and walked off. then i walking don't know where. think eat finish le leaving the buidling then JAMs coming from opposite direction. and wearing formal wear. they going for interview for air stewardess and never tell me. then we fan lian and walked off. and i woke up.

2nd dream - elaine, liming, junwei they all want scare people in front, which is weixin they all. then is camping i think. then on the count of 3, they disappeared. and can hear scary noises behind me. then got some guai wu appeared and i ran and ran. then falling down a bottomless pit. and shouted for help. at this point, the most weird yet hilarious thing happened. a bird with junwei's face came and lifted me to where weixin they all are. and i told the instructor but he didn't believe me. think i nutx de. next scenario. no choir practice and was lunching with cherie. think is waiting for o'lvl results. then news spreading that somebody disappeared after heading towards choir room. then got music in the air and everyone ran for don't know what thing. shrugx. and i woke up.

3rd dream - got stucked in a building. my class. then the building engulfed in flames. then nevermind, we went to a room. but that room is filled with gas. then we got only one oxygen tank. then a few fainted le. why harx? hmmm. then nobody save us. T.T

4th dream (yesterday)- was in school. then alot of sports. think is open house or something. then we playing on trampoline. then jump and jump. got people ride past on motorcycle. then the pillion rider turned her head and is the person i least expect to appear in my dreams. used to be my best friend but apparently we drifted apart due to several misunderstandings. then don't know what happened and i woke up.

that's all i can remember. shrugx.

so like for consecutive days i keep dreaming of my friends. so did linghui. and we kept telling each other about it. and it's darn right hilarious. stupid sia. i've a date with linghui on sat. to do something secretive. jun wei, don't worry, we won't go to your house put pig head de. hahax. we'll do something worse. and he has a knack for messaging at the time when people are finally able to go to sleep. so irritating. haiyo. hahax.

i'm dating allena on saturday!!! WOOHOO!!! yay. so long never see her le. miss her SOOOO much. and we were talking on the phone the other time and reminiscing. of course, got sound effects in her background. lolx. going IJC and YJC de funfair. after that we go dinner together. plus mingli and adeline ba. yea. and cindy lim ba. hahax.

poor ziwei still having exams. miss going kbox with her. lolx. must pull puiman and mingli too. hahax.

i'm now looking for jobs and apparently quite choosy too. lolx. oh well.

attempting to create my own blogskin but to no avail. T.T JIN HONG!! HELP!!! lolx. Faint-ED.

hmm. nothing to do and got housework thrust onto me. sharing workload with mum. lolx. of course. i want suntan. T.T i'm so the broke but i want to go out and have fun for one whole week first and seriously after that start going nutterx. erm ya. my mum dreads the hols. especially my school holidays 'cause i'll be pestering her every single day. "Ma, what to eat today?" *guffaws* okay, bu hao xiao. right. erm ya. should be that's about it. i'm hooked onto computer games. RAHX!

i've ran out of books to read and have resorted to doing handicrafts and baking. my next goal is to master how to bake strawberry cake. the creamy kind with lotsa strawberries on top. and i can eat up the whole cake. yea! lolx. after all, nobody will dare to eat what i make. lolx. my sister is catching up. she's eating as much as me. terrible. my dad say if he dies, he will make sure i've enough food to last me a lifetime, and he won't give me a single cent 'cause i'll spend it all on food. and my mum said that i need food more than i need money. lolx. lamers. oh my god. right right right. left left left. that's about it. until then. ciaox.

i'm paranoid and that's why i'm sensitive and keep thinking about those kinda stuff. i despise myself for doing that but i cant help it. i cant help thinking that i'm becoming like her. i see her in me. retribution. because i let her down and so this is happening. i just wish that all doubts be cleared as soon as possible to prevent ye chang meng duo.

2007-02-06T10:31:00.000+08:00

i also joining the fun.. hee..

You Are Cherry Kiss Lip Gloss

You're a total girly girl who's every guy is sweet on.
You take pleasure in the simple things in life, from cute t-shirts to stuffed animals.

Any guy needs to match your romantic idealism to win your heart, which is why few have.
No wonder Cherry your signature flavor. It's delicious, sugary, and fun - like you!

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You?

hmm. in all, i had 3 weird dreams. involving my friends. terrible. i think yesterday's dream was the scariest yet the most hilarious. i shall blog about them AFTER my EXAMS which ENDS TOMORROW!!!! woohoo.. by the way, JAMS!!! are we going out tomorrow or thursday? thursday morning K from 11 to 2 la. cheaper too. hahax. shrugx.

fri to stay home. sat go funfair with allena and maybe the others. gonna see my mingli! YAY. monday maybe going out... wed also.. faint. and the worst thing to happen is i cant spend much money. going broke broker brokest. okay, no such word.

stats very fun.. interesting until i really don't know how to do. and don't know when to apply. haix. hope will pass all my modules. faint. Toodles

2007-01-30T21:03:00.000+08:00

i was reading novels again instead of studying.i know i should have discipli but i lacked of it. i'm disappointed in me.

i realised i'm a bad sister. i didn't even know what my sisters are going through. i'm so selfish. i don't care about anyone except myself. why? maybe all along i've been deceived by the facades people wore. all along, i've been so selfish. i keep thinking too much. why? just because others have different feelings, or maybe just don't feel good that day you don't have to be obsessed that people are peeved, mad, angered, pissed. what the f***.

i copied it from my sister's blog:

U think tt u r the onli one who's often ridiculed u think tt u r sad and to be pitied.. but out thr..u ridicule others.. not noeing tt they r goinng thru the same thing as u.. But when they r gone..u realise it dun think u think tt it is abit too late??? look all around u..ppl are going thru much more than u r but they dun show it..onli in their mind so ppl..dun do things tt u might live to regret treasure all around u..and cherish..

u nvr no when it might be too late

a failure of a sister. i'm not there for my two sisters. sometimes i feel like i've done them wrong. i'm not able to help them, guide them. letting them climb over me is one thing, refusing to help them is another.

maybe all along i wasn't meant to be in the world. all along, it was me deceiving me. i just wish i could turn back time to right the wrongs i've made, the hurt i gave...

today, had econs paper. then the table was uneven, the aircon was blasting, and i was in need of the toilet. linghui kept forgetting i sat next to her and kept asking me where i'm sitting. the paper was okay. i manage to do everything but my answers just don't seem to be the same as my friends. oh well.

eldritch = weird, hideous

everyone's tired. can see so.

the weird guy appeared again.

super windy today.

i'm paranoid again.

edwin came to send me home. i didn't expect him. just turned my head to talk to linghui and saw him standing there.

joyce's classmate takes 804. maybe she lives near me!?!?

i just want to say thank you, to those who've hurt me and vice versa. i've matured from all those. thank you to my friends who stood by me and tolerated my zany, paranoid, sensitive thoughts. thank you for guiding me through the first year of poly and may we be friends for life. Amigos Para Siempre. shall write about a story i've heard on radio some other time. Take care everyone, All the best in exams.

2007-01-28T17:14:00.000+08:00

came online..

forgot what i want type.
AGAIN.

faint-ED

was on the phone with ms toh just now. then discussing the econs past year papers. then got a few different and we've no answers either. faint-ED X 2. then we talk about junwei. see, we so good talk about some idiot who denys being one=X oops? did i just called junwei an idiot? haha, don't have. i typed that he's an idiot never call him an idiot but since he's an idiot so it's all right. yea. erm dotx. yea, we talked until can laugh. i keep bombarding linghui with questions. i also can't recall what i wanted to ask her in the first place. lolx. faint-ED X 3. hmmm. economics is still okay. but accounts is gone case liaox=( i just cant seem to balance the accounts. past year papers hard sia. or is it me? haix.

i'm hungry againx. sianx.

so the bored. i had a weird dream. i dreamt of a bus in the shape of those ancient london kind of cars. with no tops de. think is convertible is it? don't know la. then i dreamt of my friends too. hilarious.

eat and eat. chinese new year coming and then i eat and eat and eat againx. 3 days of steamboats. faint-ED X 4. why so many relatives. but can get more hongbaos la. wahahax.

the other day, i went pass resume to tutor downstairs. then 8 plus only. but already very quiet. then alone somemore. scary la. then i climb stairs faster and i tripped and banged my foot. *clap hands* yayx. klutz sia.

my purple monokuro boo dress don't know when can wear. T.T my dad don't want to be seen with me if i wear that. so he tell me 3rd day of CNY then wear. i want go where also can as long as not go out with him. faint-ED X 5. okay la, i childish but is MONOKURO BOO ma. cant help it. hehex.

start mugging le. buaix. Jia You Everyone^_^

2007-01-26T21:42:00.000+08:00

you're driving me crazy

i'm driving you crazy

i'm driving me crazy

we're all driving each other crazy

i no longer know who you are

why? why? why?

it hurts alot

it's all my fault

i hate myself=)

you hate me=)

you blame me

we all blame me

things that cant be said and not said are often due to the close ties and blah blah blah

but why be hypocrites and superficial when we can be truthful yet hurtful?

i don't understand...

2007-01-26T18:31:00.000+08:00

this is me.. junwei say my blog very fierce then he don't dare tag. poor him. he got phobia la. don't worry, i won't tell anybody that you're afraid of people getting angry at you=) i'll tell everyone. woohoo.

joel's laughter is contagious. he infected me and linghui with it when junwei said he want to hug buddha's leg. ling shi bao fo jiao ma. *shake head*

linghui don't know got door behind the drinks stall at foodcourt 4 that allows us to exit and enter. poor girl.

kaiyin, jinhong and weixin went airport fetch their idols. hope they don't get squashed.

crs today was okay i guess. econs tutor very nice. we all had weird dreams.

my hot temper was at work today. we got cheated by our seats. we stood for so long and people just walk up and sat down. another one involves a poor old man. his friends abandoned him and then he sat there eating and drinking and cleaning his mouth. seeing us standing there he didn't offer us his seats. instead, a group of blue colour shirts came and he waved them there. they got the seats. how KIND of that DEAR sweet OLD man. what else? *pondering* oh yeah!!! we standing next to this group of blue colour shirts. then left the girl eating. then two guys left le. one guy with her. we thought they finishing. end up we were fools. so SMART of us. one of the guys came back with a tray of drinks. and the lady didn't even bat her eyelids at us. she just took her drink and sipped it. so SAD sia. my insides boiling liaox. the water boil with no food. a hungry man is an angry man. quoted from my dad. i didn't blame her. oh, or did i? no la. i just merely raised my voice by a little and commented about how some people are so GOOD. let people WAIT for NOTHING. they know that they are not done eating and that people are waiting then they should have told us so that we could have gone elsewhere where we might be much much more lucky. to think they are older than us. maybe the brain abit sot le. shrugx. oh well.

went up and got a place to sit. next to us is white colour shirts de. then we buy food that time, so ghastly sight. oh my gosh. then went back to our seats. poor junwei sitting next to a MACHO guy. then he say he buay tahan. don't know why. later on, he say come back that guy already sat there le. next to that guy got one guy talking then say ridiculous. what a NICE word harx? i WASTED NO TIME in using it. after all he don't own that word ma. hahax. then we laughed and laughed. linghui ate very FAST, with inverted commas. erm ya. so ridiculous. later they left. lucky they did if not linghui spray mouthfuls of food onto that POOR MACHO guy. pathetic.

after that i abandoned linghui and went to compasspoint. then went library find joyce goh. hahax. then she say she sat there from 11. around 3 edwin came. then we sat and chit chat. i disrupted her studying. oops. sorry. later on, we were entertained by two orange ladies. and me and joyce kept on laughing. they were joined by one little orange boy in his pram. cute har? hahax. and one of the ladies was holding an orange cover book. hilarious. that cracked us up. lolx. saw my sister's school de students. and they talking about other people , saying they chao ah lians when they themselves are not but trying to act like one. poor girls. lucky never let me hear what they say if not... oops?=X so accidental. oh gosh. i must brush up on my engrish sia. must curb my temper. ah!!!!

end of story. =)feels good letting it all out. junwei, see, i'm very 'nice' de horx? hahax. we tong lei ma. stubborn people. but don't worry, i not idiot like someone...... erm ya. i never say name arhx. faint-ED x 100.

2007-01-24T18:50:00.000+08:00

trying to find a job with flexible hours but i'm naive. oh yes i am. hahax. oh well. i'm not even sure i can commit myself to working. i want my public holidays!!! can get hongbaos.

*Whacked*

i should be focusing on my studies and not finding a job now. faint. haix. not motivated. i feel like i've lost the passion for studying. what's wrong with me ehx? *SHAKEN* wake up!!!! MELW!!! arghx.

congrats to me. i came online, wanting to send email to my extutor for the internship thing and i realised i don't have her email. or should i say, i didn't save it. T.T

i came online with the intention of blogging about something only to realise i forgot what is it that i want to blog so i'm just humouring myself. RAH!

my sister is becoming a real beauty even though she is only in secondary school. okay, i'm exaggerating but she's like a fairytale princess only that she don't act like one. oh my god. her fair complexion is the envy of my youngest sister and me. hahax. i'm so jealous. wahahax. since i cant be fair i want to be tan!!!! i've gained 2kg. yayness. i'm eating and eating and eating!!!! ah!!!!

i'm sick of everything. sick of life. what's the point of living when you cant even do the things you want to do and you sucks at everything else. rah rah rah-ED. haix. get it over and done with.

jiayou jiayou jiayou!!!!!!! ARGHX..

2007-01-20T17:51:00.000+08:00

what to say? hahax. comically hilarious yesterday. kept laughing and laughing. okay la. not really laughing and laughing.

be myself? ya right. who's not hiding behind a facade? only babies mostly. hahax. dotted. hmm.

mob test yesterday. horridifying. i was the last person of my class to finish. hahax. 06 like whole class still there. took same train with liying and joyce. hahax. realised my answers for some questions wrong. oh my god. don't worry linghui, i think i'll be worse than you. hahax.

later on, we didn't know kaiyin was waiting then we left until mrt station. threw my face. oh gosh. must thank linghui la. hahax. morning she so late come i thought she studied until lost track of time. hahax. oh well. now prepare for other modules de le. more credits and worse!!! ah!! adieus.

jiayou!!!

what's done cannot be undone. not everybody will see eye to eye to what you think is right. just believe in yourself. that's more important=)

2007-01-18T15:39:00.000+08:00

lately there's relationship conflicts going on. what's wrong with us? what has happened?? haix. i just feel so weird all of a sudden. i saw the sides of people whom i thought were close to me. looks like i was wrong to have assumed similiarity. very wrong.

the sky's very nice today. hot and sunny. makes me want to soak myself in cool water. i don't know how to swim so don't ask me to. i ate the kway chap i've been pining for. FINALLY!!!*applause* yayness. too bad i just wasn't in a happy mood. the cockroach that held onto its last breath from 8am to noon today has finally subcumb to the shelltox and ended its live. poor xiao qiang.

took train home with poopy poot the toot. hahax. we saw a cockroach on the seats opposite us and this army guy sat onto it. eww.. hope it survived. actually wanted to read through the notes on the train so that by the time i reached home i can write it all down. apparently, i got talkative and started chatting with ah chou. the rest went jurong point lunch and we went home to study. we skipped accounts lecture. poor mr cheng. forgot to write that the other day, linghui wanted to alight at sembawang, thinking that we've already reached yishun=) hehex.

i thought i was having a runny nose in the middle of the night only to realise my nose was pouring out blood. no, i didn't get into a fight with myself in my dreams. i guess i didn't stop eating and ended up too heaty. yet, without chilli, I"LL DIE!!!! T.T*dramatic* yucks!

my sister is so into green lately. oh my god. hahax. haix.

kaiyin don't know why ask me something then she answered it herself. *shakes head* facade. yes. everything's a facade. i'm not right to comment on others but yet, i can't help it. everyone's sure to comment about something. hahax. each have their own choices, decisions and ways of doing things. nobody's the same. maybe you'll have common interests but no more than that.

i no longer know who is who. what's more, i no longer know myself.

do what you think is right. even if others think you're just following the crowd or copying your close friends. do not be worried 'cause you yourself know that you are not and even if others do not see eye to eye with you, don't fret 'cause you know what you want to do and you do it. it matters if the whole world ignores you but it matters more if you ignore yourself.

jiayou peepx!!!!!

2007-01-16T20:49:00.000+08:00

i don't like it when that happens. to hell with that. fuck.

kaiyin take care for nose
jinhong take care for feet
linghui take care for head
weixin take care for eye

today's presentation okay ba. nothing to say. i keep nodding off. very tired. stupid me.
thanks linghui for havin the patience to teach me one chapter of MOB for one whole bloody hour. wahahax

laggy com. stupid. indecisive me. dumb. unreasonable people. idiot. stubborn me. hell.

i stubborn but you're more stubborn than me. what the heck. why go on when you truely feel the other way? no point ma. i hate hypocritical happenings. superficial. lies. all lies.

study...

2007-01-15T20:50:00.000+08:00

what the fuck is wrong with me today? i've been so hot-tempered. trying to control but i just cant!! ah!!! faint faint faint-ED.

sianx. i don't really like projects, especially when it results in conflicts and disagreements. like what MOB stated: comprising is not something that is good. collaboratin is better. and hence, we should all collaborate when we do projects.

i've high self-monitoring. can change in any situation. as in, my mood and attitude. wahahax. dot dot dotx.

today throw face againx. why harX? firstly, i want to thank weixin for surprising me with her surprise.

i'm not giving in. as given, i'm BLOODY stubborn. lolx. under certain circumstances, i will only give in but not all the time. that's why i'm always taken advantage of. liming lend me a horoscope book for our sign. it states that we tend to forgive others easily and give in to them. ya right. prove it wrong. arghx.

i should stop giving myself stress. be more motivated and focus melissa wong mei ying!!! slap yourself!!!!!!!!! *slap slap slap*

elisha's joining choir. oh my god. i haven tell them yet. maybe next choir practice i'm going ba. which is probably after exams 'cause i need study. see this, my seniors? so don't confront me when you see me. you should understand. thank you.

poor junwei's still in school. no one entertain him. maybe still in school for project. no wonder huang yong and clement rotted.

there was an accident under the mrt track in yishun going to sembawang. two cars collided. one near the temple, the other like parking onto the pavement. scary. ambulance, police, crowd. horridified=O

study now!!! all the best for tomorrow!! au revoir

2007-01-14T19:51:00.000+08:00

why won't i ever learn my lesson? why do i keep torturing myself? why do i keep pretending to be someone i'm not. why is everyone so fake? i'm sick and tired. all over againx. why do i have to always go through this phase? why do i fucking need to tell others things? maybe the palmistry master was right, i said maybe. i trust others too easily. that's why i get betrayed. why am i so naive? why should i even care? why why why?!?!?!?!

exams' coming. presentations to go. it's all nutterx. why must people expect others to do what they want? people are entitled to their own opinions and choices. they don't want means don't want le ma. why force? looks like not everyone who's together will end up with common goals or common ways of doing things. i hate it when that happens. nothing will be achieved in the end. all bullshit!!

2007-01-10T22:18:00.000+08:00

the stupid internet is working up. i hate it hate it!!!! arghx. everything malfunctions everytime i use them. what the. maybe must go palm-reading. even keyboard also don't let me type. faint-ED x 2.

linghui today go twist my hand. then it went limb. pain sia. got sprained. then i almost cried. hahax. actually i'm acting la =X. then linghui so guilty like that then she say sorry reluctantly. she really believed me. wahahax. drama princess sia. my sister's the drama queen. lolx. faint. then i walk same direction as her she saw me then she turned and went the other direction. hmphx. sickening. twice lorx. arghx. poutx.

i hate it when people pretend not to acknowledge other people. so like no respect and insulting people. i know it's just a joke 'cause i with edwin. but at least answer when people talk to you. you not cow lehx. i not playing piano horx. hahax. thank you for your cooperation=)

dot dot dotx.

junwei believed i still angry at him. hahax. very the 'petty' ma. faint. then play awhile i tired le. hahax. then linghui say we bluff him de. hahax.today really the sot. don't know why i so high. hahax. eat alot too. i think is 'cause something bad is happening ba. then like that. usually that's me in bad mood. just abit pissed off by some things. toodles!!

i see her in me. what's wrong?? it shouldn't be. i'm refrainin from unwanted comments unless necessary. i'm so sick of myself. attitude-ED.

2007-01-08T08:09:00.000+08:00

saw xueting yesterday with her boyfriend. so cute. hahax. really jin tong yu nu kind. hahax. thought i saw deborah's mummy there. faint. hahax. lolx.

linghui don't know can buy concession from the mrt control station. and she doesn't know the meaning of afk. wahahax. say me somemore la. keke. (sounds childish) *big eyed glare* sianx.

today got choir. faint. haix. fan nao fan nao fan nao. so lame. dotx.

2007-01-06T21:15:00.000+08:00

laughing fit today. back to that later.

shall talk about yesterday. long entry. get your popcorns and drinks. nachos too. and your blankets and pillows and bolsters and beds and... ya.

yesterday: went out with edwin celebrate his birthday in advance. had to go amkss open house with my sister and then do project. anywayx, went to watch spirit of victim at cathay. then scary arhx! and i lost my black monokuro boo there T.T jiu de bu qu xin de bu lai. got alot photos want post de but cant connect the phone to the computer. faint-ED. so erm, after that went art museum and nothing much. then walked to city hall. then to marina square 'cause i hungry le. hahax. ate at CHANGING APPETITES. then i actually thought of kaiyin. because the serving very big. then i ate starters already very full le. one waiter looked like my friend "bikini babe" (you know who you are). another looked like a hongkong actor. that guy poor thing, broke the chilli and tomato bottles. sat inside for like 3 hours eating.OH MY GOD. i ordered starter which i shared with him. then the main dish with the plate too small very hard to cut. hahax. then the dessert in a cup too long. faint-ED x 2. later on got a couple come in. then the girl is pretty de lorx but her blusher too red le. her boyfriend looks those manly kind but keep feeding her eat. then edwin say he saw the guy eat and the food fling out then the girl stunned with mouth opened + food inside. EEYER. then he laughed. bad harx. saw the tv variety host belinda lee walk past. she skinner and prettier in person. hahax. after that walk to citylink saw my nanny's daughter. she skinner liaox. at citylink going down escalator saw cindy goh and terina. then go home le. hahax. think still got things but forget againx. faint-ED x 3.

today: morning lazy wake at 545 go with sister to her school's cca open house. then i slept until around 9 wake showered le then left. then in the bus alighting soon. was between the two buses that goes to my sister's school. obviously i could only manage to get on the bus behind so yupx. reach her school quite fast. was like a fool walk here and there finding her. throw face. then people keep looking. i found out the reason why. found my sister in a classroom accidentally when i asked one of the cca members in the room. then got one of the members look familiar. featured as part of the sunday kids show. hahax. then her friends remind me of my juniors. faint. hmmm. and my sister saw me and more throw face thing was that she pushed me and ruffled my hair. then the AMKsians and teachers looking. her classmates too. throw face la!!! but she also very rude. no respect. so angry. her friends are erm erm. hahax. then after that i don't care her le.

left her school took bus go to woodlands meet my clique for project. i was late le and AH CHOU want treat lunch and they waiting for me. touch-ED. =.= anywayx, reached there le saw my nieces and cousin-in-law. then i ask my nieces where their mum and dad and the older one pointed behind me. i looked up then saw their mum. throw face la. then i went to pastamania wait. one person booking for 5 persons. then is lunch hour i think. alot people no seats. the crew thought i sot de la. finally they come le. hahax. and we eat lorx. duhx. linghui finished eating and had nothing better to do so she made used of the peas in her plate and formed a hideous green heart. and she say she smart. faint. later went to popular. weixin and kaiyin never buy their pens 'cause of the long dragon queue.

went library (again for them) do project lorx. weixin saw her GEMs teacher. then we sat on floor. later on found place to sit. sat down and we started talking about certain taboo topics. okay la, not taboo but just hardly people talk about it. and i laughed until i cried. then stomach pain. then weixin laughed i also saw tears. but linghui is giggle. after that end le go home that time. i tricked them with my mussels that photo. hahax. looks so REAL!!! hahax. hungry. *pining for seafood*. saw johannes after i left library.

at mrt station, ms toh helped weixin post letter. and she ALMOST slot it into the SINGAPORE side. lucky i remind her if not weixin killed her le. lolx. walked to bus interchange. chatting with AH CHOU. she keep wanting to chase me away. say my bus come le. then she more anxious than me. haha. bleahx. after that she tell me the reason why there's one earrings and four that hair sticks. yuan lai is junwei want give her de. i attempted to open my bag take something then she don't let me. we looked a funny sight i guess. 'cause one uncle walked past and he SMILING la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! eeyer. linghui ar, throw face la. then worsehing is that uncle take same bus as me. linghui forced me take the same bus de. and she also want to take with me 'cause she followed me to the bus=X hahax. in bus got this baby girl so cute!! she saw a boy toddler and his mummy. then she scrunched up her face, like puckering her lips like that. then VERY the KAWAII!!! many times cuter than the self-proclaimed cute girl in my clique. wahahax. saw vincent in the bus.

come home and got my yummy dinner waiting. my dad started his laughing fit but to no avail. i was too engrossed in my novel. mum scolded him, say he very noisy, nobody want laugh hen wait he laugh until choke. hahax. used computer. then asked ms chua kai yin to give me website for our FP project de. then she and her boyfriend tricked me. and i don't know who's typing what. faint-ED. very fun is it? haiyo. hahax. but i today laugh so much thanks to kaiyin. don't worry, i won't love you de. hahax. weixin must smile more ok? today so quiet. i know nobody talk to you right? 'cause linghui say don't talk to you de. *nods head vigorously* really!! jinhong leg sprained. walk carefully la. wear more heels then can walk more comfortably. wahahax. oh ya. linghui toenails the colour almost same as my pink shirt colour. hahax. funny.

end of story. long harx? who bothers reading. hahax. i'm like paparazzi like that. report linghui's throw face stuff. wahahax. then jinhong is kaiyin's. hahax. take care. =)

to edwin:
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to edwin
happy birthday to you!!!!

2007-01-05T08:40:00.000+08:00

yesterday went school. saw jason chit chat bit bit. then i was at the mrt station le my EPI project mate never see me. faint. then jason tricked him that he's the new project mate. =.= no choice la. then end up, the other two late. one shang tu xia xie. her own words. then i had a horrible time sitting in the library. my that group mate also never say anything de. end up i thought up the whole skit. what the heck. group meetings are for discussion. i just told him my idea. then he everything write down. the others come le thought is he think de. what the.. never mind. i not so the sneak. hmmphx. then after that wanted study in library but i very the hungry. so went to bugis eat pastamania with edwin. hahax. stupid sia. i that day keep knocking my head against something, if not is trip. went library. saw one of the star idol contestant with a guy. eeyer. he don't look as macho as on TV. look skinnier. and bit gayish feel. *shudders*.

how come mila answered elaine never answer linghui lehx? must be 'cause she scared linghui ask more questions=X joking. lolx. for presentation must wear formal sia. faint-ED.

anyway, went home after that. rained heavily again. linghui told me a story about the dragon king that was related to the rain. don't know why she believes lehx. hahax. (this entry attacking linghui, poor AH CHOU) at bus interchange i saw adeline walk past. called her and we stood there waving at each other. i thought she wanted to say something. in the end, she did but it's only: "bye bye". faint-ed x 2 gosh, we've ended up with hello and bye bye only. so funny la. like stunned like that. hahax.

i got food, vitalizer, monokuro boo's notebook and a tiara hairpiece. funny.

i'm beginning to look forward to AMKSS cca open house. my sister had been talking about her class clown. and he seems very the funny and interesting. of course la, like me ma, we both march babies worx. hahax. same date somemore. and my sister is a soprano. OH MY GOD. and she's caught between choir and drama. faint. today's the tryouts for atheletes. like that spell ma harx? hmmm. shrugx. then maybe she'll get into netball? faint. how come she so pro. hahax. oh i put the tiara on her head and she really looked like a princess. my fair princess. *guffaw-ED* amazing. of course minus her pimples la=X hahax. and my youngest sister is selected for the prefectorial board. *applause* i'm so the proud of them. now i'm no longer the one saying anecdotes about school. my sister has taken over. i'm tormented by her stories and always end up having to throw my food away. too full from laughing. hahax.

sayonara=)

2007-01-04T08:50:00.000+08:00

yesterday went school do project. did it until around 7 like that if i'm not wrong. then ate my fav udon!!! aunty's daughter same age as my sister. hahax. then my group started doing project. alot of calculations. my head was aching but what else to do? we have so much to do and it's the last week le!!! faint. haix. everyone's tired la then i still insist on finishing the calculations. sorry=( give yourselves a pat on the shoulders. lolx. we all did great!!! woohoo!!! it's fast to completion le. yayness. hahax. erm, overstatement abit harx?

anywax, had a mini celebration for linghui. hahax. and weixin, i really forget what flavour you like le=X heex. then the dear ah chou showered too long. she enjoying her bath and end up: "i'll be late 'cause bathed too long" hahax.

wah, how come all put resolution nehx? then kaiyin you put 2007 then i put 2008 okay? =.= dotx-ed. hmmm. then what else? raining heavily againx. oh and there's a funny thing that happened. yesterday took bus home then the queue extremely the long-ed la. then i board the bus and it drove past another berth. then i thought i saw my daddy queuing there. then i reached home and told my mummy and she say if it's really daddy then the doorbell will ring soon. and the freaky thing is... IT DID!!! hahax. funny arhx. then i asked my daddy he took that bus home right (stupid-ed question) and he say: "'cause i saw you take the other bus then i don't want take de." so lame-ed that i faint-ed on the spot. kekex. then he started his laughing exercise. the one which never fail-ed to make me start laughing and cant stop either. eeyer. my daddy is so the.. erm. ya. my 2nd sister made friends with almost the whole of her class and she said her class clown had the same birthday as me. talk about coincidence. hahax. and his name is gary. lolx. familiar names. she has a friend who looks like viven too. oh my god. hahax. and my youngest sis had to fill in her pupil profile which is so dumb that i just wanted to answer dumb things which i always do and jams know that. (i understand how weixin can mix gems and jams 'cause i almost did the same) hahax. my sis's strengths/talents: acting, drama queen, dancing. weaknesses: long-winded, too lame-ed. lolx!

i'm like exposing their bad deeds. lolx. okay la. not bad la. just that i don't know how come my family is so the lame-ed and i'm one of them too. *laments*

my week is packed full of projects. talk about EWWWWW. T.T
yesterday - ideas/FP
today - EPI
saturday - ideas/FP
sunday - EPI

AND SUNDAY WAS SUPPOSE-ED TO BE FAMILY DAY!!!! sickening. *grumbles*

ChErIoS=(

2007-01-03T10:25:00.000+08:00

it was hectic today. everything's a blur.all the timing mixed up. my sisters' first day of school. of course, the youngest sister goes to the same one but my 2nd sis is starting secondary school. mum rushed to the bus stop with her. my sis is so gan jiong. funny. hear my mum describe her panic-stricken state. and she had to choose to forget her tie when i've already asked her to double-check. ran all the way down and across to pass it to her. later on fetched youngest sister to school. her principal was standing at the gate welcoming students. *roll eyes* a primary one kiddo was clutching tightly to her mum, howling away. =.= faint. then my sister was like so lost. don't know what to do. lucky she blur blur walk up to school herself. so cute her. hahax. dottedx. oh well.

i see secondary school students tucking out shirts, skirts above their knees, dyed hair, several earholes. sneaking hps into schools. those were the good old days. it made me miss the first day of school. hahax. the good old memories...

2007-01-02T14:10:00.000+08:00

a new year, a new start, a new chapter. hahax. funny arhx.

resolution: study hard=.= no la. have more fun!!! yay!! dotted. faint.

hahax. aww man. i'm so evil. today's AH CHOU's birthday!!!

Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday to You
Happy Birthday dear LING HUI
Happy Birthday to YOU!!!

*guffaws* okay, quite the high-ed. erm what else. evil me wanted do tutorials and i go pester my dearest Ah Chou on how to do it. actually is 'cause i never pay attention in class so that's why end up like that. bad me harx. but she so good reply my message. I LOVE YOU LOADS!!! hahax. *goosebumps* hahax. weixin also very good =X hahax. i asked her also but i think she couldn't understand what i was trying to say. Sorry.

i've been sleeping like a pig for the past few days. haix. not good harx. i woke at 11 plus plus la. then broke my sister's record. she's usually the one who wakes up the last. so oh well. hahax. hence, i'm crowned the pig of the house. okayx. whatever. boredom. why is there so much to do and so little time always? question marks everywhere.

stop stop stop. must stop doing this. stop doing that. lolx.

thanks to those who've wished me on the 1st of Jan but apparently i cant message much and i was tidying the store room yesterday so i cant blog. Please accept my apology.

and my dear family who've been tolerating my loudness at home. erm ya. my youngest sister is so the drama queen la. oh my god. it's a pity she's not an actress. if i've the money i'm gonna sponsor her to join dance and drama club. lolx. of course. a comedian. definitely. we're definitely clowns. and klutzes. erm, is there such a word? lolx. right, exams coming. AHH!!!

i hate projects. and when people don't take the initiative to ask when we're meeting and what we're going to do. and at least have the courtesy to reply messages sent.

2006-12-29T12:45:00.000+08:00

update on yesterday:
met up in the morning for project. and interesting stuff happened. left halfway to meet with pri sch friends. lolx. they were located in cine's foodcourt. so little peepx sia. faint. seen people that i've lost contact long time ago. they were looking at joy's autograph book. lolx. ziwei and deborah left early. ziwei saw him at cine alone. hahax. then left me, puiman and joy. mingli pangseh-ed la. =X then sat there rotted. i cant believe we've so much to reminisce about. especially the guys. with their pokemon and digimon. and stupid things we all did. did i actually hate him? lolx. funny i cant remember but joy did and we were all lost. hahax. all's forgiven and forgotten after so long i guess. shrugx. how funny that friends that used to be close suddenly seem to be strangers the following day. haix. some people change after all these years. we've been friends for like 11 years? wow!! hahax. and still in touch. amazing. wonder how many peepx still keep in touch with their primary school friends. lolx. just listening to them talk, laughing. and you'ld realise that you've actually shut yourself out of all those fun and excitement. being the invisible one. hahax. i'm lost for words. not good with words. hahax. how people changed as the years flew by. changed for the better, changed for the worse. lucky most of us are still us. lolx.

let's hope the next gathering is better. lolx.

to my clique: what zi lian pic harx?? kaiyin arhx.. lolx. and you ate LJS without me! T.T sobx. faint.

to ziwei: gossip harx. i tell you de things you better don't anyhow say lehx!!! hahax. how come others know?? and that crush thing is joke worx. don't ruan ruan jiang arx. lolx. hope you like your present. it's not much but it's a way to show i remember harx. hahax.

to friend 1: i'm shocked to realise you still remember how the layout was. lolx. shocked to know you still remember even though we've become strangers.

to friend 2: you've not changed much. but yet i feel like i no longer know you. your antics are never tiring and you're always such a joker.

to friend 3: it's amazing how you still remember we were once close. funny. actually i don't really remember. just know that i always read books you have. hahax. funny.

to everyone: we were once kids, where we did stupid things and had stupid tiffs. now we're all grown ups and yet, somehow, we long to be kids againx. soon, we'll be old and then we start to think back. hilarious. reminising. even though i'm probably the last person on earth you'll talk to, i hope we'll all remain as friends forever. the memories that are unforgettable. funny, teary, angry, joyous stuff we've all gone through. and especially throw face things for me la=X hahax. like linghui said: bu zai hu tian chang di jiu, zhi zai hu cen jing yong you. hahax. take care!! =D

2006-12-25T12:32:00.000+08:00

since last friday, i've been going home close to midnight. lolx. faint. and waking up extremely early. what the heck.

friday: caroling. no free movie. ate yukiyaki. went wild? shrugx. chilled out at millenia with daryl, nicole and yingzheng. did stupid things. hahax.

saturday: went do project. throw our faces at yew tee mac. then laughed and laughed. went elaine's house. made a mess. oops=X sorry! hahax. then helped out, played games, opened presents. my santa's hat eventually had no use at all. and the wire came out. so there we have, a spoilt hat. stupid hat.

sunday: morning went cousin's house. her church people singing carols in chinese. so many strangers. same block as jinhong. hahax. fainted. after that, left for da gu's house. so boring there. cousins all at church. wait till so late. dotted. 2nd sister fell sick. got nice presents and extras. woohoo!! hahax. lotsa bags. hehex. then went home. home's the best but apparently, it's now littered with too many things. bags, clothes, presents, books, etc.

today: my youngest sis caught the same thing as my 2nd sis - gastric flu. we're suppose to head for my ah kim's house and my nieces were looking forward to playing with my sisters. hahax. all gone up in smoke. too bad. i'm stuck at home on christmas day to babysit my sisters. i'm so healthy harx. =.= i'm suppose to be the one falling sick if i've played PS2 all the way instead of escaping the extremely cold room, leaving my sister inside, hooked to the TV screen. my fault.

it would be much considerate to spend family time together. xmas isn't spent by waiting for royalties to arrive after they've dealt with their other stuff. family time is more important and it's not like we see one another every week. please think about the younger kiddies around.

everyone wants to show off their talents. everyone wants to excel in something. but apparently, everytime i try to do something, i'm always outsmarted. hence, i think i'll just blend into the background. rather than be out there amongst those vying.

MERRY XMAS!!!!!

2006-12-20T21:07:00.000+08:00

throw face today

throw face everyday

throw face tomorrow ba

what to do?

happy my cookies still okay. hahax.

go subway today. won't go back that outlet if possible. hahax. spent alot on my family's xmas gifts. hahax. oh well. 5 more days. be patient!! ah!!!!

hope our class party will be fun. all right!! woohoo..

memorise lyrics is nono. i give up. i guess i just bluff my way through ba. hahax. but i'm standing in front!!!!! groans..

adios.

2006-12-17T21:34:00.000+08:00

yesterday:
went taka bought jas min's present. heeren bought joy's present. saw huixuan. alot of people sia. then went bugis saw raine. then went changi airport got people caroling. i want to keep the day's memories to myself =X selfish me. bleahx. hahax.

today:
had a fun but exasperating time buying presents. but eventually we've finished purchasing everyone's presents. still thinking got enough cash to buy for JAMs not. anywayx, at causeway point there got lotsa funny things happen. a young kiddo got lost and couldn't find her mummy. then she cried out LOUD and i mean REAL LOUD. my sis and i look at each other and we just felt like giving her a slap. bad us but imagine yourself as us. real loud screams. the mother came and took her away. the kiddy's face was damn red la. then my youngest sister came and we started saying what will she do if she got lost. i said that she'll go down to the info counter page for us=.= my sis said that common sense is that she will ask someone for their handphone and call us. then we were telling our mummy and she say sis will probably stand there pouting then pretend she not lost, then if people ask her she start dropping tears. hahax. and we say give her handphone. guess what my young sister said, she say give her wait batt flat then also cant call ma. aw man, she's only 8+. oh ya, she cut her hair short and it made her look so cute i could just pinch her face so many times. my 2nd sis cut fringe. and now we're peas in a pod. lame me. haix. cant wait for christmas to come and when they open their presents. wahahax. will be downright hilarious. i think we'll have a laughing fit. *guffaws* cherios.

the plane left this morning. and he's returning on the 25th. 7 days. ah!! bonkers me. wish i can go too=(

2006-12-12T21:08:00.000+08:00

yesterday watched deja vu. very nice!!! i just love denzel washington. his acting is superb. i love his movies!! that time he was the main lead in bone collector. aw man. *reminisces*

anywayx, today how come keep throwing face harx? everyone went nutx today. shrugx. you doing something againx. dumbo sia. haix. just tired of telling you le. i'm gonna keep it to myself and to ah chou!!!! wahahax. poor ah chou, wanted to zhen me but end up making a fool out of herself. weixin started trying to scare people. *remembers her hitting her head onto the glass panel in the mrt. very loud*

i think econs tutor finally knew that toh linghui can be crazy as well. plus me and junwei. obviously we all went to the wrong school. we shouldn't be in school of business. but should be in school of mental health. ha ha ha. =.= she laughed at us. but i think we too noisy.

went home that time. at northpoint there was a christmas event thing. for kids. and the santa claus was EXTREMELY hideous and i mean EXTREMELY. wait i upload the pics first. hahax. i wonder if the kids got scared till they fainted not. hahax.

I SAW A RAINBOW!!!! SOOOO NICE!!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

saw someone who always asked me the same bloody old question. and i got pissed off. i mean you cant expect people to push aside their work and give their 5 hours to you for nothing right? i mean come on, look around you, haven you guys come back to reality? knock knock? cant you see that YOU GUYS have made that 3rd home a miserable place? haven you all realise? domineering when it's not even you who should be controlling the whole thing. i mean please la. wake up la. what you want? everybody who can just don't give a damn to their studies? have you realised the number of people appearing have decreased? have you? please wake up. stop being so stubborn and committed. yes, we should be responsible for whatever decisions we make. you cant force us to do what we don't like. must we say what you like to hear to stop you from pestering us? what the fuck. get offended for all i care. your attitude pissed alot of people. you just don't know and feign ignorance.

2006-12-09T23:36:00.000+08:00

i hate it when they compare me and her. i hate it when people make assumptions. your clique, the people you hang out with ends up making people classify you as the kind of person they are. i'm not saying i don't love my clique. but all i ask is that people don't put us under someone else's shadow. stop assuming that we are who you think we are 'cause we are not. the nerds don't have to go with the nerds. it's the interest and how you feel towards a person. your feelings and perception of a person makes you choose your friends. your close friends. shut up! stop assuming!

2006-12-09T18:50:00.000+08:00

what's wrong harx? why am i so unpleased with myself? sucker.

com!! do you miss me?!!? i miss you so!!! ah!!! to think i can only come today. ready to do the feedback exercise only to realise IT"S GONE!!!! AHH!!!! unfair unfair!!! life's so unfair!!

so many stupid dumb weird pissed off things happened. just so nuttyx. oh well. i doubt i want to write it down.

today went marina square do project. legend sia. whole day la. faint. oh well. details i omit ba. legend drove me nutx. haix. kaiyin and weixin at taka la. T.T unfair. cherios.

2006-12-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

mel hates maggie

maggie hates mel

mel hates meiying

meiying hates mel

mel hates herself

meiying hates herself

maggie hates herself

most of all... i hate myself

happy??!?! happy?!!?? happy!?!?!?

get a life. wake up. look around you. it's all lies. facades everywhere. you sure you know your friends? you sure they are your friends? you sure you belong with them? you sure you belong in your family? you sure you belong in the world? you sure you don't suck? you sure you very good? you sure you very nice? you sure you sure you sure?!!?!?!?? you sure people like you??? you sure they telling the truth?? you sure they are not deceiving you??

who to trust? who to love? who to care? who will trust? who will love? who will care? who trusts? who loves? who cares???

2006-12-05T20:26:00.000+08:00

yishun mrt got somebody die. then the train service disrupted. so weird. hahax. shrugx. then after that me and linghui gotta squeeze ourselves into the train la. were late. walking to SB that time, i almost stepped onto a dead rat. the internal organs spilled out. EWW. ran over by a car. sighx. then got back mob results. then did our PBL which is so the bad. fun but bad.

then had CRS today, disastrous too. just a bad day today. don't know why.

eat soo much. why harx? melissa stop eating le horx! haiyox. aiyoyo. eat and eat.

said something without thinking. then kena shot back at by people. i yuan lai said so loud=X but was only trying to joke and calm myself down. haix. chose wrong person and wrong thing.

after CRS just sat there stunned. i believe myself to be worse than her. i truly am. i just had the urge to go to the toilet to hit the wall. sometimes people not happy they also say they tired. what to say. i'm speechless. and furthermore, i kept quiet. wait i say wrong things again ma. haix. at least after that i trying keep myself awake then keep singing. nutx me. think nobody can tolerate me. i cant either. haix.

i cant bring myself to feel more motivated. haix. quite fed up. what the fuck is wrong with me? i'm just so tired of myself. ah!!! arghx. so the mood swinger. rapid one somemore. buck up work hard focus and learn and ask!!! don't quiet and quiet lehx. haiyox. more confidence!!! EEYER!!!

econs tutorial is very interesting. JW has finally gone into motherhood=) amazing harx? hahax. should be about it. cherios=)

2006-12-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

i shouldn't be saying this and i've no rights to but....

my tolerance has a limit. go over it and i really explode until very jia lat. don't test my patience.

2006-12-03T21:39:00.000+08:00

what projects???

frontpage due next term
powerpoint due week 12
crs due tuesday
mob due... no idea
etiquette due week 2 of next term
ideas ca4 due somewhere

what tutorials???

econs due tuesday
accounts due thursday
statistics due friday

what happened today???

took train with linghui. she to dhoby ghaut and me to orchard but i ended up accompanying her to dhoby ghaut 'cause i was too early. in the train saw pxps de teacher mr cheong. then when going up the escalator, some lady turned and looked at me. then she turned back and turned around look at me againx. oh, it's ms tan sor tin. she looks so pale and lethargic. she lost her usual hip-ness siax. shrugx.

everyone was late. nevermind. lucky wenxiang got bring laptop 'cause junwei didn't come. then used huangyong's id log in wireless. then "ji tao" lag sia. buay ta han. lolx. then we at the orchard library ma. jokes sia. hmmm. got one guy so poor thing, he wait for the wireless login finish until he fell asleep (or so we assumed). self entertainment ma. kekex. then we discussed and discussed from the topic to other irrelevant stuff. hilarious. all hungry sia. still haven discuss finish. fainted. oh well. tomorrow still must discuss. sianzation. it's my life, accept my fate ba!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!

cherios=)

i won't say anything unless you start the ball rolling. but even so, i've nothing to say to you 'cause i've said everything before. i guess the others feel the same way. you want us to be truthful but your actions indicate otherwise. from your actions, i assume you are avoiding us and fear what you hear. THE END.

2006-12-02T15:46:00.000+08:00

haix.. one word to describe these few days - FAN NAO!!!!!

rah!! roar!! argh!! ah!!!! faint..

so many projects and so little time to do them. jams remember how we ate pizza with knife and fork? we're not suppose to do so. that's what my gems taught me. lolx. so many things happen within this period. my headache is getting worse. my panda eyes more prominent. i hate it when conflicts happen. i hate it when lies are told. it seems all possible to omit but however, we cant do anything about it.

suddenly your friends are no longer your friends. suddenly the people you thought were close to you aren't there for you, are not what they seem to be. i'm tired. i'm lost. i really don't know who to trust who to believe anymore. is there no one who is true to anyone else? this question has been in my head for such a long time that i'm sick of it. how i wish i can read minds. know what others think.

CONTRADICTION, CONTRADICTIVE, CONTRADICTING
LIES, LIARS, LYING

why is the world the same? why is the world so superficial? why is everyone putting facades? why is everything a front? why are there lies? why am i here? why am i on earth? WHY!?!?!?!?

we're all living in a lie. when will i learn the truth? when will i learn which are lies? when will i stop being so naive and gullible? WHEN??!?!?

2006-12-01T08:19:00.000+08:00

i don't like me i don't like me i don't like me i don't like me i don't like me... i don't like me being so gossipy, stupidy, bad tempery, attitudey.. but...

i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you... i told you before what i don't like le ma. but you got try to change?? no ma. and yet you still are you, so we tell you got point? no point ma? because we only let you know your flaws but what can it change? nothing right? we say le you will not happy also right? so what's the problem now? i don't understand sia.

i know i also very bad and i don't have the rights to say you but i really don't know why you're doing what you're doing nor know what i'm typing. i'm just mad mad madded.

yesterday went for SING OUT concert. then very the nice and cute sia. the st. gabs i think sec 1s ba. so small and kawaii!!! ah!!! lolx. hihs still the same. next year syf le. hope phs can get gold. JIAYOU!! woohoo...

phs is still so enthusiastic and the best sia!! i mean uv phs. ms tang cant recognise me le i guess. i didn't talk to ms yee. i was shy. lolx. see my dear cherie and pamela. hahax. thanks joyce=D

alot of people change le. sad siax. mr ho yue siang and his girlfriend very loving. lolx. not jealous harx. his girlfriend so mature looking la. i feel inferior. (ya right)

before that in school, break time went jurong point. then played DDR with kaiyin. i admire her sia. i'm like so throw face lorx. T.T sadded. feel so zi bei la. sobx. i'm not good in anything. wahahax. i accept my fate. *guffaws*.

haix. oh well. got back pacc. quite okie with the results. i still thinking of the diploma plus thing. can cope not me? haix. don't know lehx. sadded.

*thinking hard*

2006-11-29T21:02:00.000+08:00

you know, we know, god knows. why bother feigning ignorance? why cant you just face it? or is it me? hahax. paranoid-ed me. faintx. anywayx, linghui so kind today accompany me with the crs. hahax. love you! muackx!
and i must say that she passed her sickness to me!!! lolx.. i'm going no voice soon.. k la. is not she pass de la, i joke to a certain extent de k. you don't like must tell me. i don't want to end up like... =X

i would like to take this opportunity to thank joyce, weixin, linghui, ernest and two other friends for being there to scold me and accompany me through the thing.. it should be over le ba. i guess i won't go insane againx. i know you must think i so softhearted for what but what to say? i just am. i'm bad and yet i'm given a second chance. i will try to maintain and hold on. if cannot remember call IMH please. thanks.

actually i see myself in her lehx. why harx? so i'm also that bad harx? am i? going nuttiex. i believe myself to have a rotten attitude with mood swings. and bad temper and nice black face. if you criticise me, i'll of course be angry but more upset to know that i'm actually bad. so don't keep things from me can? tell me my mistakes and i'll try to change. i'm talking to you peepx. you know who harx.. hahax.

Oooooyaaaa, our class power sia. first got chalet, then now got what pre-christmas celebration. steady la. hahax. so enthusiastic. but it's still far far away and there might be plans ma. hahax. hilarious. k, cherios.

i love my class to bits even though it's sometimes unbearable due to certain factors. don't wanna split after our options lehx T.T

2006-11-28T20:30:00.000+08:00

why time and time again you do such stuff?? haix.. sianx..

careless melissa harx.. bad girl..

choir had so few peepx. thanks daryl for your sandwich. lolx. first time talk so much with raine. lolx. jas min harx.. haven tell u lehx.. anywayx, thurs is the concert already. woohoo.. haix.. sianx.. joyjoy and ernest not going le.. hahax.. haix..

throw face sia.. stressful.. like everything's going against me these days.. must be 'cause i so evil.. hahax.. shrugx...

cherios..